Memento Youri - Loneliness

[deuceoftears]

“I was present when the hexarch created you,” Dhanneth said.

You stared at him.

“He didn’t explain the mechanics to me,” Dhanneth said, “except he felt it would”—slight pause—“reassure you to have a Kel present. He explained to me that your original body no longer survived, so he made you a new one.”

“So I’m a clone after all?” you said, unsurprised that Kujen had lied after all. It wasn’t news that you had to be some kind of construct.

“No, sir.” Dhanneth was subdued. “He explained to me that voidmoths do not age—that they would live forever if not for the normal attrition of battle and madness. That they have impressive regenerative capabilities. He felt these were desirable traits.”

“But I’m not—” your voice died in your throat.

You could hear moths. You could hear the Revenant, and talk to it. The othersense must be a moth-sense. And presumably your inability to die like a regular human being was related, too. Because you weren’t human.

You were a moth, and you'd ordered the massacre of moths at Isteia.

Revenant, you said, why didn’t you tell me?

Tell you what?

That I’m not human. That I’m one of you.

The Revenant was scornful.

Would you have believed me?

“Yes,” Dhanneth said. “You’re a moth modded into human shape. The hexarch said it was one of his greatest achievements.”



You closed your eyes and listened to the subliminal whir of circulating air. Beyond that, you could hear the moths singing to each other. They had sweeter voices than the Revenant’s. If you unfocused your mind, you could almost understand them.

Hello, you thought in their direction, just in case.

Immediate silence.

My name is Jedao, you said. I just... I just wanted to talk.

It was a stupid thing to admit to.

The silence continued.

More silence.

Then the Revenant spoke, more softly than it ever had before.

They will not talk to you, it said. They speak to me, of course, as I’m the command moth. They’ve absorbed Kel notions of hierarchy. But you—you are not a moth.

I’m not human either, you said.

Nevertheless. Don’t contact them further. It will do you no good.

You opened your eyes.