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"Ah... yes. Sorry." He is, he thinks, going to have to be careful about that phrasing. "It's easy to make, actually."
He takes a sip of his tea, before it gets too cold, and murmurs, "Anything else, or -- change of subject?"
He takes a sip of his tea, before it gets too cold, and murmurs, "Anything else, or -- change of subject?"
"I..."
He looks away again.
"I need you to not need me to like it. That's -" That's all, he wants to say. But it's not a small thing. "That's the condition." For trying.
He looks away again.
"I need you to not need me to like it. That's -" That's all, he wants to say. But it's not a small thing. "That's the condition." For trying.
"I don't need you to like it," Gonou says: not instantly, because he doesn't want it to sound thoughtless, but with a solid certainty. "This isn't -- I don't want it to seem like I want to fix you. I want to use a skill I have to make something that's miserable a little easier for you. That's all.
"Tell me if I get too intense about it?"
"Tell me if I get too intense about it?"
"Okay. Okay."
If Gonou gets intense about it, Jedao knows he won't want to tell him no. Won't want to hurt him, taking away hope for something he wants, that Jedao has no confidence of ever being able to give without a deal. He can promise anyway, though, a guardrail against himself.
"New subject now, please?"
If Gonou gets intense about it, Jedao knows he won't want to tell him no. Won't want to hurt him, taking away hope for something he wants, that Jedao has no confidence of ever being able to give without a deal. He can promise anyway, though, a guardrail against himself.
"New subject now, please?"
"New subject," Gonou agrees, and looks thoughtfully down at his tea for a moment. "I should try knitting something new this summer. I don't think the sock idea is going to work for me unless I find someone who needs socks and has feet at no more than a forty-five degree angle to their ankles...."
Jedao imagines Hemiola wearing one on the end of its tail and laughs softly.
"Tea cozies?" he suggests, with no idea of what makes a knitting project easy or hard.
"Tea cozies?" he suggests, with no idea of what makes a knitting project easy or hard.
"Oh, that could work," Gonou says, brightening. "They're really just -- teapot-sized hats with a hole for the spout. Two-fingered gloves?"
Well, something like that. Perhaps anatomical metaphors for teapots aren't working out very well.
Well, something like that. Perhaps anatomical metaphors for teapots aren't working out very well.
"Do you do any arts besides knitting?" he wonders, idly. "A companion tried to teach me felting, once."
Jedao has picked up a lot of amateur skills from sex professionals his various Hexarchs have sent to keep him supposedly sane. At this point Jedao thinks Mikodez thinks it's at least social interaction, and picks them more for their hobbies than out of any hope that Jedao would eventually sleep with any of them.
Jedao has picked up a lot of amateur skills from sex professionals his various Hexarchs have sent to keep him supposedly sane. At this point Jedao thinks Mikodez thinks it's at least social interaction, and picks them more for their hobbies than out of any hope that Jedao would eventually sleep with any of them.
"No, it's just knitting and sketching. I don't have any idea how felt is made," Gonou admits with an intrigued lilt in his voice. "You could show me?"
He reaches out to catch Jedao's little finger with his own, not quite holding hands, but a little gesture towards it that won't keep either of them from being able to hold a teacup.
He reaches out to catch Jedao's little finger with his own, not quite holding hands, but a little gesture towards it that won't keep either of them from being able to hold a teacup.
"Well," Jedao laughs softly. "You start off with just sort of a lump, and then you stab it a few thousand times."
"I begin to see how this could be therapeutic. Although the odds of stabbing your fingers seems high."
He lifts his teacup to his lips with his free hand, giving Jedao a wry glance over the rim.
He lifts his teacup to his lips with his free hand, giving Jedao a wry glance over the rim.
"Yes. So I'm not any good at it, I'm afraid. The poor man thought I was afraid of the pain."
Rather than a guest seeing his black ichor on the wool.
Rather than a guest seeing his black ichor on the wool.
"I imagine that wasn't the part that bothered you." He remembers Jedao taking his clawed hand, pressing one claw so carefully against his own flesh until a single inky drop of blood slipped free: that had been his confession. So, a needle-stick...
Well. Not the sort of thing he'd welcome with a stranger.
Gonou considers.
"... well, maybe I could find a book, in that case. If you'd like to learn together. I've seen little felt dolls, they're very cute."
Well. Not the sort of thing he'd welcome with a stranger.
Gonou considers.
"... well, maybe I could find a book, in that case. If you'd like to learn together. I've seen little felt dolls, they're very cute."
"No. I mean, Mikodez probably briefed him, but I didn't want to deal with it. And it was hard enough -"
He cuts himself off.
"Anyway. I'll learn with you if you like."
He cuts himself off.
"Anyway. I'll learn with you if you like."
Gonou squeezes his finger, a tiny little gesture.
"Why would you want to deal with that, for a stranger, anyway?" Intimate revelations, in his own opinion, are for people with whom intimacy actually matters.
"But I'd like to at least try it. And see if it's interesting enough to be worth stabbing little lumps a thousand times, and my fingers at least five."
"Why would you want to deal with that, for a stranger, anyway?" Intimate revelations, in his own opinion, are for people with whom intimacy actually matters.
"But I'd like to at least try it. And see if it's interesting enough to be worth stabbing little lumps a thousand times, and my fingers at least five."
"Well, he was very hot. And good with needles."
Not that there was any chance of Jedao actually going for it, but he wasn't blind.
Not that there was any chance of Jedao actually going for it, but he wasn't blind.
"Well, at least there was eye candy, then," Gonou says, shooting him a little smile. "And an interesting hobby...."
Despite all the horrifying implications of having a companion sent in who'd been pre-briefed on Jedao's species issues, probably -- meaning without his knowledge.
Gonou is glad, for so many different reasons, that Jedao's no longer stuck in the Shuos Academy station.
Despite all the horrifying implications of having a companion sent in who'd been pre-briefed on Jedao's species issues, probably -- meaning without his knowledge.
Gonou is glad, for so many different reasons, that Jedao's no longer stuck in the Shuos Academy station.
Jedao likes to think they had an unspoken agreement: Mikodez would never bring up what Jedao did or did not do with the implied offer, and Jedao wouldn't object to having regular social contact outside of his students and psych team, assuming that at least most of them weren't secretly on his psych team. And if nothing else, the guests were always extremely adept at hiding any fear or revulsion they might have felt.
"It was nice, honestly. They were always good at ignoring how awkward I'd be about it."
"It was nice, honestly. They were always good at ignoring how awkward I'd be about it."
"It still sounds terribly... sterile. Orchestrated," Gonou says, with a wry little wrinkle of his nose. "Better than not ever seeing anyone, but so awkward."
It's not exactly news that Jedao is more resilient than he is, but he'd have lost his mind, being controlled and managed that way.
It's not exactly news that Jedao is more resilient than he is, but he'd have lost his mind, being controlled and managed that way.
Jedao shrugs a shoulder. "I was famous. If it wasn't orchestrated, I would have been dealing with people who hated me all the time."
And he did get enough of that from his students, he felt.
And he did get enough of that from his students, he felt.
"It doesn't feel weird. I'd get wistful about it. What it might be like. But...there were people on the Citadel of Eyes. More than Hephaestus or the barge, at least, even if who I could actually talk to was pretty controlled."
Which is not the place Eiffel saw in Jedao's memory - but really, being under Kujen's thumb and Mikodez's thumb were similar enough, once you took the war out of the equation.
Which is not the place Eiffel saw in Jedao's memory - but really, being under Kujen's thumb and Mikodez's thumb were similar enough, once you took the war out of the equation.
"There are so many reasons why I'm glad the Admiral offered you a way out of there," Gonou murmurs after a moment. "Mostly because we'd never have met, otherwise, but."
"You think that's a perk on the Barge, in comparison?" he asks idly, flicking his torch up as his attention catches on one of the big ol' snails making its way downtown. "You can always get up in people's business here, barely any excuses required."
"People don't hate me here. That's the perk." Even if Jedao isn't particularly outgoing, it's nice to have the option to just...talk to someone, without the weight of the Immolation Fox hanging over everything.
"Oh, wow...it's all..." Jedao is genuinely fascinated by this snail, now.
"Oh, wow...it's all..." Jedao is genuinely fascinated by this snail, now.
"Oh, yeah." He looks back at Jedao with a pleased little smile, at the way his friend lights up at the discovery. "You could see a few of these guys from the Barge, they're pretty cool. They look like when you stick a magnet in a bucket of iron filings. You think we can...?"
He's going to move forward, closer to it, and stand up on his toes to try and reach it to poke it in the weird metal plates.
He's going to move forward, closer to it, and stand up on his toes to try and reach it to poke it in the weird metal plates.
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