It occurs to me when some terribly unpleasant task lands in your lap, you seem incapable of passing it off to someone else, even if doing it destroys you in the process. I wouldn't say your choices were bad, they certainly made logical sense with the information you had, but it really didn't have to be you who did it.

And you've not only wrecked yourself, you wrecked Neal, too, when, instead of doing something sensible like talking him down or disarming him, you stabbed yourself in the neck in self-hated over doing things you could have given to another person and didn't. Neal shouldn't have gone after you. You were just trying to save Eiffel as best you knew how. But since your self-hatred needlessly hurt him, too, I'm not feeling very sympathetic to it right now.