"I asked..." He trails off, worrying now that Jedao will be upset about the conversation that made all of this seem so huge and dangerous in the first place.

"I... John and I talked about me staying with him, after I graduate."

If you graduate.

"And I asked Arthur if that would be okay. And I... I don't know. They didn't say yes. They didn't really say anything. They said words, but it was all... They didn't say yes. John said they have a few deals before they can invite anyone anywhere. But they don't think that about each other. He said he loves me, but they didn't say yes. What if--"

What if, what if, what if.

What if they don't really want him around after all? What if him being less afraid of Arthur now means that they've had a chance to get annoyed by him?

What if they think he can't do it, can't really graduate? What if they think he can't be good enough for that? They're not going to stay on the barge forever, hoping. They'll leave. What if that's why they didn't say yes, because they didn't want to tie themselves to his expected failure?

What if, what if, what if.

"John was... I don't... There was something... I don't know. There was something but he didn't say it so I don't know what it was."