"I wasn't hiding it exactly," he mumbles, sighing a little as he leans more into Arthur's side. "But it's not something I can dump on Hakkai because this is hard enough for him already. And I don't want to...deprive my warden friends of being friends with him and I don't want my inmate friends to stab him."

Simplified, but accurate to a first approximation.

"And I just feel..." A breath shudders out of him. "If feels very stupid and juvenile, you know? Being so upset that someone doesn't like me, like I'm not a notorious interplanetary bogeyman back where I came from. Nobody is obligated to like me. I'm an adult, I can deal with that. Only he's family, so I feel obligated to try. And I'm a competitive bitch and I hate failing this much."