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Thank you, instructor.
That is all I wished to convey. [Had this been a few months ago, when Sebastian was still pretending very hard to keep up the "just a normal butler n_n" thing, he might have added something about being glad that Jedao's doing better. But well.]
That is all I wished to convey. [Had this been a few months ago, when Sebastian was still pretending very hard to keep up the "just a normal butler n_n" thing, he might have added something about being glad that Jedao's doing better. But well.]
[Gently, sincerely -]
You're welcome, Mr. Michaelis.
[Jedao considers saying I hope you're feeling better himself, but that feels like laying it on a bit thick.]
Good day.
You're welcome, Mr. Michaelis.
[Jedao considers saying I hope you're feeling better himself, but that feels like laying it on a bit thick.]
Good day.
[Yeah, wise decision. It would have been perceived as an insult.]
Good day. Until later.
Good day. Until later.
[He makes a soft, contemplative noise.]
...Are they not supposed to be all at once?
...Are they not supposed to be all at once?
It's not really about supposed to or not supposed to be. Feelings happen in lots of ways. But they're a little easier to deal with when they're not all at once.
[A baffled pause.]
But they're always all at once.
But they're always all at once.
They don't have to be. But when you're new, it does start like that.
[Jedao tends to think that both he and Yellow are both new and young, but they're still different things.]
[Jedao tends to think that both he and Yellow are both new and young, but they're still different things.]
[New. He likes that way of thinking about it. It's a beginning, an origin. Not what he will be, simply what he is.]
How do you make them less all at once?
How do you make them less all at once?
Feelings are kind of...warning signs? They're a part of you that's trying to help you, but all it knows how to do is yell real loud. They can get quieter if you kind of...give them some attention, and then say yes, I heard your warning, I understand. You don't have to shout anymore.
I can't not give them attention, but that isn't helping.
You're hearing them, because they're so loud, but are you listening to what they're trying to say, or are you just hearing the loud noise?
Like, okay. Let's start with the anger.
[Easier, Jedao imagines, for Yellow to discuss than fear or sorrow.]
There's a lot of things you're angry about, but pick just one of them for me right now.
Like, okay. Let's start with the anger.
[Easier, Jedao imagines, for Yellow to discuss than fear or sorrow.]
There's a lot of things you're angry about, but pick just one of them for me right now.
[The one that comes immediately to the forefront leaves him a little confused.]
...Arthur being gentle.
...Arthur being gentle.
Ah.
So...usually, when you're mad, one of the things your anger is telling you is, hey, it's not okay he treated you like that! It's not right!
And sometimes, when someone you're already angry with is nice, it's confusing, because...why are they being nice, when they were mean before? And maybe it's because they're sorry, or because they were scared before, or they just know more now, or lots of reasons, but if you're still angry with them over the first thing, it can almost feel worse when they're nice, because it feels like...pressure, to not care about the first thing. But it was still fucked up! It's still not okay, it doesn't just get erased.
So maybe the anger is saying something like, hey, maybe I'm not ready to forgive you. And I don't have to forgive you, no matter how nice you are, until I'm ready. You get to decide that.
Does that sound like something your anger might be saying?
So...usually, when you're mad, one of the things your anger is telling you is, hey, it's not okay he treated you like that! It's not right!
And sometimes, when someone you're already angry with is nice, it's confusing, because...why are they being nice, when they were mean before? And maybe it's because they're sorry, or because they were scared before, or they just know more now, or lots of reasons, but if you're still angry with them over the first thing, it can almost feel worse when they're nice, because it feels like...pressure, to not care about the first thing. But it was still fucked up! It's still not okay, it doesn't just get erased.
So maybe the anger is saying something like, hey, maybe I'm not ready to forgive you. And I don't have to forgive you, no matter how nice you are, until I'm ready. You get to decide that.
Does that sound like something your anger might be saying?
Edited 2023-11-21 22:26 (UTC)
...Yes. [He's surprised. It's like Jedao took an impossible knot, tugged a couple of threads, and made the whole thing unravel into sensibility.] How did you do that.
Well, partly it's because I had a lot of time alone to think about my feelings, and partly it's because I also had some mind experts asking me a lot of questions that helped me figure out different possibilities, and partly it's a...talent that I have. But I was a lot worse at it three years ago, when I was new.
You can learn to do it too. Asking questions, like you asked me, is already the first step.
You can learn to do it too. Asking questions, like you asked me, is already the first step.
Oh! Does he want to keep it?
The name, I mean.
[Jedao has felt lousy for...a few reasons, since the breach, but if he hasn't misunderstood, this is wonderful news.]
The name, I mean.
[Jedao has felt lousy for...a few reasons, since the breach, but if he hasn't misunderstood, this is wonderful news.]
Good for him.
[Quietly, warmly.]
Sure, go ahead.
[Quietly, warmly.]
Sure, go ahead.
[There's a quiet moment from Hunter as he takes a deep breath.]
...Edwin told me you're not human. That you were- made. [And then a bit more hastily-] I-I don't think he realised it was something you- that you might not tell anyone normally, he only brought it up because--
[His heart's in his chest for a moment, but he swallows and pushes past it, because he wants Jedao to understand it too.]
Because I told him I am, too.
...Edwin told me you're not human. That you were- made. [And then a bit more hastily-] I-I don't think he realised it was something you- that you might not tell anyone normally, he only brought it up because--
[His heart's in his chest for a moment, but he swallows and pushes past it, because he wants Jedao to understand it too.]
Because I told him I am, too.
Oh.
[It's not what he expected, though he was aware of the possibility, when he chose to tell Edwin anyway, knowing he had all the opsec of a particularly eloquent preschooler. He's not mad. Not - exactly disoriented. A little at loose ends, wanting to soothe the too-familiar trepidation in Hunter's voice, not knowing him well enough to do it right -
Fuck it. Jedao smiles, part nervous, part wistful.]
Want to be cousins, then?
[It's not what he expected, though he was aware of the possibility, when he chose to tell Edwin anyway, knowing he had all the opsec of a particularly eloquent preschooler. He's not mad. Not - exactly disoriented. A little at loose ends, wanting to soothe the too-familiar trepidation in Hunter's voice, not knowing him well enough to do it right -
Fuck it. Jedao smiles, part nervous, part wistful.]
Want to be cousins, then?
...uh.
[He's not upset, at all, just- slightly baffled, in a way that makes his ears turn a slow, intense pink. He's not used to telling someone about that and having them think it made him better. Let alone that it made him family.
He can feel his eyes pricking, and his cheeks have turned a blotchy pink as he lifts his free hand to scrub them before he cries.]
...okay. Yeah. I'd- that'd be, um. Cool.
[He's not upset, at all, just- slightly baffled, in a way that makes his ears turn a slow, intense pink. He's not used to telling someone about that and having them think it made him better. Let alone that it made him family.
He can feel his eyes pricking, and his cheeks have turned a blotchy pink as he lifts his free hand to scrub them before he cries.]
...okay. Yeah. I'd- that'd be, um. Cool.
[Hunter told him they're the same, that they're of the same. Not just that they are similar, but that Hunter wanted to tell him. So - Jedao will believe him. He doesn't feel overcome with kinship, the way he had with Edwin, but he recognizes that tremulous reaching-out. Family was what he had wanted most from Revenant, what he had been most devastated to lose when it abjured him. So - he reaches back.]
Do you want to come have tea? And hugs, maybe?
Do you want to come have tea? And hugs, maybe?
Okay. I'll-- be there soon.
[And he cuts the video before he actually cries. Because he'd like a moment to recover and clean up a little, before he goes and knocks on Jedao's door.
(A part of him feels like he should have something better than his homemade wolf t-shirt and cropped jeans, but that's where he's at so!)]
[And he cuts the video before he actually cries. Because he'd like a moment to recover and clean up a little, before he goes and knocks on Jedao's door.
(A part of him feels like he should have something better than his homemade wolf t-shirt and cropped jeans, but that's where he's at so!)]
Edited 2023-11-22 06:01 (UTC)
[Jedao is in neat black pants and a shapeless rumpled sweater that clearly got left in the dryer for way too long. Normally Jedao just opens the door from wherever he is, but this time he comes to the door, not just letting Hunter in but - after one look at him - pulling him in; Jedao is holding him tight before the room finishes closing the door behind him.]
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