Oh, yeah, it's totally your fault that your boyfriend got displaced in time and space and went on a murderous Shining rampage 'cos the ghosts at the bar showed him some pretty lights.
[Jedao come on.]
Besides, what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. Now if I ever need to guilt trip Gonou into doing something I can bring up the time he tried to disembowel me.
I had a chance to stop him, and I was stupid about it. I tried to talk him down even though it was obviously the wrong play. If I'd just put him down neither of you would have to deal with his.
[Jedao's voice drops from weary and mild into a deep, low growl.]
[Jedao's voice is quiet, calm, a little raspy. Thoughtful, rather than accusatory.]
The difference is whether you think about it first. You know he's distraught about it now, because it's all in front of you. But in another three months, when he's tucked it all away and been cool as a cat for a while...?
But now I've made you think about it, so you definitely won't.
Maybe that's an overreaction. I'm sorry if it is. You should definitely breathe, and punish me about it instead of yourself.
[The silence radiating is a bit sullen, but mostly it's hurt.]
Sure, Jedao.
[If Jedao still thinks he's going to actually hurt Gonou, that the part that involves running his mouth is the part where he spills something Gonou hates about himself and not the part where he's joking about threatening it, then--
It's--
...fine. It's fine. He's probably right, anyway. It's not like he's ever gonna be good for much else anyway.]
Look, Xie Lian's glued me back together, he's got the candlelight vigil going for Gonou, situation approaching nominal. Go be a good boyfriend.
[And the disappointment and frustration in that single syllable is palpable.]
I mean, if that was me waking up from getting my head chopped off, I wouldn't want some random screw-up there when I've got a whole-ass boyfriend, but what do I know, right? I'm just running my mouth.
I promise I am not a comforting sight right now. The last thing Gonou wants to see when he wakes up is my dripping, mutilated body as proof of exactly how bad he managed to fuck me up. You can at least just keep a shirt on.
I'm healed enough to be useful, so I'm going to do that, and I'll come when I'm not a walking reminder of what happened.
[His voice drops from crisp, factual, a little bit stoic, to - something softer.]
In the meantime - Eiffel, you're not a random screw-up, you're his friend. And this is a gesture of trust, mister communicator. One I would never extend just to make you feel better, if I thought there was any real risk you'd hurt him.
[Right now, he doesn't clarify, but it's all true enough for government work.]
No pressure, though, right, o mighty and powerful wizard of AUX? Just guilt me into something I was gonna do anyway 'cos you're that worried I'm gonna screw it up! Can't go one whole conversation without Douglas the Almighty finding new and exciting ways to bite himself off at the ankle before he hops on that tightrope, better make sure he feels really bad when he does it 'cos now the spotlight's on him and the audience is just waiting to see how incredibly he falls!
[Because a communications officer means, hey! Knowing how to read between the lines! Like he hasn't gotten enough passive aggression from people in his life, because apparently people think he's too dumb to notice double-speak!]
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Does that mean he killed you, or
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But- nah, he didn't. Gave it the good old college try, though. Got some fun new gut stitches.
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[Jedao come on.]
Besides, what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. Now if I ever need to guilt trip Gonou into doing something I can bring up the time he tried to disembowel me.
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[Jedao's voice drops from weary and mild into a deep, low growl.]
And you'd better be kidding.
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Of course I'm kidding, man! He's already this upset about just hurting me, I'm not gonna rub his goddamn nose in it!
[And Eiffel actually sounds a bit hurt by the accusation. He's not malicious.]
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Don't of course me. We both know you can be careless with your words.
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[And then there's a sharp groan of pain from him - breathing in too hard and fast just yanked on his stitches, and he coughs weakly.]
God damnit...
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The difference is whether you think about it first. You know he's distraught about it now, because it's all in front of you. But in another three months, when he's tucked it all away and been cool as a cat for a while...?
But now I've made you think about it, so you definitely won't.
Maybe that's an overreaction. I'm sorry if it is. You should definitely breathe, and punish me about it instead of yourself.
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Sure, Jedao.
[If Jedao still thinks he's going to actually hurt Gonou, that the part that involves running his mouth is the part where he spills something Gonou hates about himself and not the part where he's joking about threatening it, then--
It's--
...fine. It's fine. He's probably right, anyway. It's not like he's ever gonna be good for much else anyway.]
Look, Xie Lian's glued me back together, he's got the candlelight vigil going for Gonou, situation approaching nominal. Go be a good boyfriend.
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Cho Hokkai wasn't a feral maniac. Deadly, yes, but he cared about not being - stupid, inefficient.
[I'd have to be considerably more desperate to try to cut my way out without knowing where to cut. ]
Something - affected him. I'm going to find out what.
You take care of Gonou until I've handled it, okay?
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[And the disappointment and frustration in that single syllable is palpable.]
I mean, if that was me waking up from getting my head chopped off, I wouldn't want some random screw-up there when I've got a whole-ass boyfriend, but what do I know, right? I'm just running my mouth.
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I'm healed enough to be useful, so I'm going to do that, and I'll come when I'm not a walking reminder of what happened.
[His voice drops from crisp, factual, a little bit stoic, to - something softer.]
In the meantime - Eiffel, you're not a random screw-up, you're his friend. And this is a gesture of trust, mister communicator. One I would never extend just to make you feel better, if I thought there was any real risk you'd hurt him.
[Right now, he doesn't clarify, but it's all true enough for government work.]
Okay?
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[Because a communications officer means, hey! Knowing how to read between the lines! Like he hasn't gotten enough passive aggression from people in his life, because apparently people think he's too dumb to notice double-speak!]
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Go have fun catching your bad guy, Sherlock. I can hold the fort whether or not you think I'm good enough.
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[He's just gonna hang up now.]