"Right, that's why you have to warn yourself. He's probably going to come on too strong but it's worth it, trust me, I'm you. Live a little," Jedao rambles.
Gonou's chuckle is unsteady. He turns his face further into Jedao's shoulder.
He's not sure what he's feeling. Buoyant, as from the release of a great weight; unsteady and unbalanced, as from the release of same. His laughter trembles on the edge of turning into-- something else, though he couldn't begin to say what.
"You did it," Jedao says softly, as the letters curl and blacken, the embers of the old coals starting to glow as the brief kindling dies away. "You made it."
The raw sob that forces its way out of his throat shocks him. The second is, at least, less of a surprise.
Gonou had not realized he remembered how to cry. He hadn't even cried for Kanan: he'd gone somewhere far away for a while, but he hadn't shed a tear. This is an ugly outburst of well repressed terror, pressure suddenly easing and letting the emotion pour out like a lanced infection.
He curls close in Jedao's embrace, shivering, and cries.
"Darling, I promise I'm smart enough that I figured out before we started dating that you also have some feelings you're just carting around until it's safe to deal with them," Jedao points out, wry and gentle. He goes on his tiptoes and gives Gonou a soft kiss.
"Oh." Huhn. "Well, I did have two years of Shuos-appointed therapist-interrogators mentioning this sort of thing. It's normal." Or at least normal for Shuos-adjacent compartmentalizing assholes like them.
"It makes sense," Gonou admits, settling his cheek against Jedao's shoulder -- then making a face, and relocating a handsbreadth closer to Jedao's throat, away from the disgusting damp spot he'd left on the cloth.
"I just... didn't notice. Or didn't know it was that much."
Gonou considers this for a long moment. On the face of it, that sentence makes no sense at all, but-- well, he's had enough physical injuries to analogize.
The worst feel more like pressure than pain, until the battle is over, or he collapses.
"Mm," he says, at last, still a little dubious but accepting. "I -- maybe you're right."
"Anyway. You don't have to be sorry to me, is all. I'm glad you let me hold you." That Gonou asked for him to share the moment, even if he didn't precisely see this coming.
"I'm glad you were here to hold me," Gonou admits, catching his hand to give it a gentle squeeze. "If I don't have to be sorry... can I say thank you?"
"Then, thank you," Gonou murmurs, and kisses him once more before he straightens back up with a deep breath.
"... do I look too awful?" He gestures vaguely at his face. He supposes he's going to be red-eyed no matter what he does, but he's hoping he's at least not streaked with any obvious snot.
"You look like a dramatic heroine who's been abandoned on a windswept ice moon, nobly suffering the travails of betrayal," Jedao answers after inspecting him for a few moments. "Which is to say you are always beautiful to me but maybe wash your face with cold water and have a snack before you go make your public announcement."
"You watch too many dramas," Gonou says, squeezing his hand, and smiles wryly. "But I think I will. And -- I've promised Xie Lian to visit home with him and meet his friends, but I'll be back in a few days...."
"With any luck it will be very quiet and you won't have any stories when I get back. But I do want you to tell me any stories there are...."
He takes a deep breath, straightening his shoulders. He'd been swaying in towards Jedao, tempted to just stay here and hold him for an hour or two instead of getting to his to-do list.
"Very extravagant indeed." He lets himself be steered, though he'll dab at the eye patch slightly self- consciously as they head out into the corridor.
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Re: 1/7, before his public post
Re: 1/7, before his public post
He's not sure what he's feeling. Buoyant, as from the release of a great weight; unsteady and unbalanced, as from the release of same. His laughter trembles on the edge of turning into-- something else, though he couldn't begin to say what.
Re: 1/7, before his public post
Re: 1/7, before his public post
Gonou had not realized he remembered how to cry. He hadn't even cried for Kanan: he'd gone somewhere far away for a while, but he hadn't shed a tear. This is an ugly outburst of well repressed terror, pressure suddenly easing and letting the emotion pour out like a lanced infection.
He curls close in Jedao's embrace, shivering, and cries.
Re: 1/7, before his public post
"I'm with you," he says softly. "We made it."
Re: 1/7, before his public post
It is an overreaction. He's at least aware of that much.
Re: 1/7, before his public post
Re: 1/7, before his public post
Re: 1/7, before his public post
Re: 1/7, before his public post
"I just... didn't notice. Or didn't know it was that much."
Re: 1/7, before his public post
Re: 1/7, before his public post
The worst feel more like pressure than pain, until the battle is over, or he collapses.
"Mm," he says, at last, still a little dubious but accepting. "I -- maybe you're right."
Re: 1/7, before his public post
Re: 1/7, before his public post
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"You can," he agrees.
Re: 1/7, before his public post
"... do I look too awful?" He gestures vaguely at his face. He supposes he's going to be red-eyed no matter what he does, but he's hoping he's at least not streaked with any obvious snot.
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Re: 1/7, before his public post
Re: 1/7, before his public post
Re: 1/7, before his public post
He takes a deep breath, straightening his shoulders. He'd been swaying in towards Jedao, tempted to just stay here and hold him for an hour or two instead of getting to his to-do list.
But he can always do that when he gets back, too.
Re: 1/7, before his public post
"Want me to walk you home?" he offers. "Maybe lounge in the background?"
Re: 1/7, before his public post
He might even be able to have a living room now, he thinks. Wardens do tend to have larger rooms....
He'd have to nerve himself up to ask for it, but then, he's earned graduation; so he supposes he can.
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Re: 1/7, before his public post