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[deuceoftears]

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Re: > action

[deuceoftears]

Jedao pauses for a moment, picking up on something but not sure what. When Gonou doesn't speak, though, he nods and heads down the two flights of stairs home.

Re: > action

[reformedsinner]

There's something unsteady caught between Gonou's ribs, but he keeps it trapped where it is, far away from sight until the door of Jedao's room is closing behind him and he can hurry to the study to find a high empty shelf.

[deuceoftears]

One of the higher shelves, in pride of place over the desk, currently has an enameled plate decorated with hummingbirds displayed on it. Jedao had set its stand there when he first shuffled around all the art the quarters originally came with. It wasn't as crassly direct as hawks or sparrows, but it was still birds.

He follows behind Gonou, reaching out to pluck the plate off the shelf with a mothpull before he can even put the plants down.

"Alright?" he asks, without specifying the place or Gonou himself.

[reformedsinner]

"That should do," Gonou murmurs, choosing to assume the question is about the shelf. He lifts the cabinet, settling it in place with only a little unnecessary fussing over its angle and position. The shelf doesn't creak under the weight, even if a brass-bound memorial cabinet is considerably heavier than a decorative enameled plate.

He lets his hand linger on the cabinet door for a silent moment.

This is home now, Kanan. I wonder what you'd think of me? The laughing face in the portrait was so young. Once they'd been the same age: now, she would never grow older than twenty.

He'd like to think she would be pleased to see him happy. In truth...

"I don't believe there's anything left of her but memory," he admits, stepping back with his gaze still lingering on the cabinet. "But this is a better way to remember her than bad dreams."

[deuceoftears]

"The longer I'm here, the more I'm certain how important memories are," Jedao murmurs. "Are there any...rituals you want me to be part of, or - things I shouldn't do?"

[reformedsinner]

"I don't think there's anything you shouldn't do that you would do," Gonou murmurs in return. "Rituals... not right now."

He pauses next to Jedao, resting a hand lightly on his shoulder. "Maybe tomorrow. I have some incense to burn for her."

More briskly, he adds, looking down at the desk, "Move the inkstone, you said--?"

[deuceoftears]

Jedao shuffles it into a drawer; he doesn't actually practice calligraphy often enough to give it pride of place, even if it's beautiful. He does the same to a lovely stacking game with coiled, translucent pieces that he kept out just for the visual effect. He bustles the plants around in a semicircle, swapping until he's happy with who's next to who, based on their supposed personalities, then runs a thumb pensively over the edge of the hummingbird plate.

[reformedsinner]

"What does it mean to you?"

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"It was...a silent memorial, of a sort. It was the nicest thing with birds on it that came with the room. But my inmate graduated just before you went away, so my hawks are all alive again, now."

Maybe he'll put it in the living room, now that the wound is better scarred over.

[reformedsinner]

Gonou dips his chin in a tiny nod, considering the brilliant enameled birds.

"I wouldn't think it was inappropriate to keep them on the same shelf together," he says at last, softly. "But if you'd like to put it somewhere else, now that your Kel have their lives back...?"

[deuceoftears]

"I have to think about it. It's...weird, to realize I don't have to make do with whatever will pass beneath notice, anymore."

He's not sure what he has a right to, or what he wants to make - obtrusive.

[reformedsinner]

"No, you don't." He squeezes Jedao's shoulder. "And... it's not exactly the tradition I was raised with. But household memorials are for lost family. If there's anyone you've lost who you want there...."

For a moment, he's silent. At last, he tips his head to the side, leaving the offer unspoken.

[deuceoftears]

"I don't know."

He feels his insides knot and writhe for a moment. The closest thing to family he's lost is Kujen, and it's hard to imagine something more obscene. Jedao doesn't want him here even if he had any right to it. Where else to put that strange grief - he still doesn't know.

"Let's curl up on the couch, maybe?"

Suddenly, powerfully, he wants the simple comfort of being held, and he thinks Gonou might want it too.

[reformedsinner]

There had been... siblings, Gonou half-remembers. Brothers he'd said he'd lost. But he would have agreed that Kujen isn't at all the right person to remember with honor.

"...yes," Gonou agrees, and reaches down to catch Jedao's hand in his own. "Let's."

Curling up with Jedao on the couch sounds -- exactly right, just now. He leads the way back to the living room.

[deuceoftears]

Lost to him - but alive, somewhere, free. The same for Revenant. The same, even, for Shuos Jedao, whatever conquering he's doing in his new universe. Objects of wistfulness or resentment, but not mourning.

Jedao squeezes his hand and gratefully follows as they pull each other to the couch and climb in together.

[reformedsinner]

Gonou settles into the cushions, wrapping an arm around Jedao's waist, and lets his face fall to rest at the junction of his neck and shoulder.

"That wasn't supposed to be so hard," he mutters. Perhaps it wouldn't have been, if he'd gathered the courage to open the cabinet before now.

[deuceoftears]

"I think we did great. Extra points, even," Jedao counters. Difficult, yes. But done, and done smoothly, all things considered.

[reformedsinner]

"Ah, extra credit. Does that bring up my B-plus?" Gonou teases, settling more heavily against him.

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"Teacher's pet," Jedao retorts, giggling a little, as much in relief as anything else. "Alright, A-minus."

[reformedsinner]

"Tough grader," Gonou murmurs, and presses a kiss against his throat. "The way this was supposed to go was, we'd move my boxes into your room, and then I'd bat my eyelashes at you and invite you to have celebratory sex."

[deuceoftears]

Jedao groans, soft and low, wriggles just a little, tips his chin up.

"We can still celebrate," he rumbles.

[reformedsinner]

"That's true," Gonou murmurs, and lifts his head, pressing a kiss at the corner of Jedao's mouth. The low rumble of Jedao's voice resonates warm in his own chest, and he smiles.

"There's no reason not to celebrate."

He finds Jedao's lips with the next kiss.

[deuceoftears]

Jedao turns his head and catches him in another, deeper kiss, serious and slow.

"Welcome home, sweetheart."

[reformedsinner]

"I'm home," Gonou agrees, filling in the first half of the call and response with a voice gone soft and warm. He nestles a hand into Jedao's hair, melting into the kiss.

[deuceoftears]

"When you imagined batting your eyelashes," Jedao murmurs, in the secret breath between one kiss and the next, "What did you imagine doing first?"