[You can't betray someone you were never loyal to, Jedao thinks. It's his own fault for imagining something that wasn't there. But he doesn't know how to say that out loud without being cruel, without implying that Hakkai wasn't betrayed either.]
[You can't be betrayed by someone you never trusted. But it's still betrayal, Hakkai thinks, even if someone had led you to believe they were loyal, and it had always been a lie.]
[Jedao doesn't feel like Nat ever misled him. He knew - Nathaniel was very upfront that caring about others was stupid. That what they had was a tactical exchange. Jedao went along with it and told himself Nathaniel did care, deep down, but couldn't admit it. But he never pushed. He told himself he was so understanding. He was delusional.]
I'm definitely not. But I will be.
[All he needs is time. And maybe a very stiff beating from Norton, to blot his thoughts out for a little while. Not now, though.]
You should let me pamper you a little. That would help.
[Hakkai chuckles softly, and lets himself settle against Jedao, lets himself be settled. He still feels the hurt of it lodged deep himself, a splinter of rejection where he'd been hoping he would be able to find a connection instead, where he'd held onto that caring he'd felt for a different world's Nathaniel.
But it's not enough of a hurt to make him stupid about this. Nathaniel made his choice.]
... Heat up one of those soups that John made for me, get a blanket, and curl up with me here on the couch.
You could put on one of your forest soundscapes?
[He brushes another kiss against Jedao's lips.]
Maybe a fancy bath later. But I still have to go talk to Sebastian today. He'll probably hold it against me that I took a full day after we were temporarily paired, as it is....
[Hakkai half-turns, pillowing his chin on crossed arms on the back of the sofa as he talks.]
I do. We worked together in the kitchen, and he's helped me in the greenhouse, too.
He's not human, but I'm not sure exactly what kind of nonhuman. He works as a servant and tutor for a young nobleman back home, and has for a few years now.
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I'll be okay. Promise.
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[You can't be betrayed by someone you never trusted. But it's still betrayal, Hakkai thinks, even if someone had led you to believe they were loyal, and it had always been a lie.]
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I'm definitely not. But I will be.
[All he needs is time. And maybe a very stiff beating from Norton, to blot his thoughts out for a little while. Not now, though.]
You should let me pamper you a little. That would help.
[Shamelessly cheeky.]
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But it's not enough of a hurt to make him stupid about this. Nathaniel made his choice.]
I could be convinced to let you pamper me.
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What would you like? Massage out some of the muscle aches, maybe? Fancy bath later?
[Jedao has so many fancy bath oils.]
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You could put on one of your forest soundscapes?
[He brushes another kiss against Jedao's lips.]
Maybe a fancy bath later. But I still have to go talk to Sebastian today. He'll probably hold it against me that I took a full day after we were temporarily paired, as it is....
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You know him already?
[Hakkai talks about him like he does. He goes to fetch the soup, but he's still listening.]
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I do. We worked together in the kitchen, and he's helped me in the greenhouse, too.
He's not human, but I'm not sure exactly what kind of nonhuman. He works as a servant and tutor for a young nobleman back home, and has for a few years now.
[What else does he know about Sebastian...]
He likes cats quite a lot.
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[Hakkai isn't the public, though. Exceptions could be made.]
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[He smiles, settling into the cushions a bit more deeply.]