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[deuceoftears]

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[howtheyshine]

Next time you try to stop me from doing what I want, I will.

[deuceoftears]

Well, that's your choice.

It's my choice whether I'm willing to be hurt to protect other people. And in most cases, I am.

[howtheyshine]

That's stupid.

[deuceoftears]

Maybe so. But it's how I am.

[howtheyshine]

Then I'll make you move.

[deuceoftears]

That's one plan, certainly.

Are you intending to attack Arthur again? I know he treated you terribly, but you've already killed him once.

[howtheyshine]

No, the stairs did.

[deuceoftears]

And here I was giving you credit for clever use of terrain.

[howtheyshine]

[A growl.] I didn't get to feel it. I didn't get to see his face.

[deuceoftears]

He felt it, though.

[howtheyshine]

[All at once he's reminded of what Arthur said to him just before he was--banished? Sent here? Brought here? About the murder he committed, about how much he liked it. The enjoyment he had. How revolted Yellow had been then. How horrifying the thought of reliving that death over and over as Arthur--

No.]

I didn't want him to die. I wanted him to suffer.

[deuceoftears]

Well, he died and suffered.

So now what?

lmf i'm so sorry for him

[howtheyshine]

[A longish silence.

A furious growl.

Annnnd he hangs up.]

BABY!!! baby baby. squishy golden baby. you are my sunshine

[deuceoftears]

Thank you for wanting to warn me. That was kind of you, even if I'm too stupid to listen.

[howtheyshine]

You're not supposed to call again when I hang up.

[THAT IS NOT HOW IT WORKS IN THE MOVIES HE'S WATCHED OVER THE LAST WEEK OKAY.]

[deuceoftears]

I'm sorry.

[So contrite!!!!]

I just thought I ought to acknowledge it.

[howtheyshine]

I didn't want to warn you. [SULLEN.] I don't care if you know.

[deuceoftears]

What do you want, then?

[howtheyshine]

I don't want anything!

[deuceoftears]

Do you want to hurt Arthur more?

[howtheyshine]

I want him to-- [The words are snapped out, and then he stops, because he doesn't know. He doesn't know what he wants. But the formless rage keeps pressing against a wall of things he can't name.] Forget it.

[deuceoftears]

You want to know something awful?

[howtheyshine]

...Maybe. [It's curiosity more than the desire to know something awful.]

[deuceoftears]

There's no amount of hurting people that unhurts you. It's absolutely terrible.

Some people like it, but that's a separate thing, it still doesn't fix what happened.

Do you want him to be sorry? Do you want him to understand?

[howtheyshine]

I want him to pay. I want him to know, I want...

[ He wants Arthur to recite more poetry in that soft cadence of his, the quiet power and finality in words known by heart. He wants to learn the defiance he felt rise like sweet bile when Arthur was afraid. He wants to hear Arthur laugh like the way dust dances in the sunlight. He wants the first person he ever knew to want to know him as much.]

I hate him.