"It might be cathartic even if it's just symbolic, that's all. That's...I mean, that's weddings too, isn't it? It's a trick. You do the ritual and you count."
That's what rituals are for.
"I don't know, maybe I'm not making sense anymore." He wraps his arms tight around Hakkai's chest, perches his chin on his shoulder.
"But I don't need you to be someone who can ask for that, as long as...you're okay with me thinking you should get to have it, if you ever did want."
Hakkai chuckles again at that, more rueful and less bitter, and puts his hand over Jedao's on his chest.
There's no ritual that's enough to make them count if they don't. It's just... inviting commentary, on whether they do count.
But he can understand why it matters so much to Jedao if that's how he sees it. And he can understand why it doesn't have to mean he's seeing Hakkai as a different person than he truly is.
"Maybe I should just remind myself that we're doing this for us," he murmurs. "Not for them, not to give us the right to be seen. Just for us."
It doesn't give them the right, because to Jedao's mind - his strange mix of legal theory and the pragmatism of total war and his burning conviction that even very bad people are people, that manages to even include himself in the flickering edge of its light by sheer stubbornness, even though it's hard to feel the heat of it from there - they already have it. They have the right, so it's theirs to take, not anyone else's to give.
"You're doing it for me. And I'm doing it because...it helps me feel something I already believe. And also because I want you to make Shuos Jedao hold a goose."
Warm and wry. He gives Hakkai a little squeeze and nuzzles at his neck fondly.
"I do look forward to that," Hakkai admits. "I may have to give Gojyo a goose, too, for symmetry."
And because it will also be extremely funny, and it's something to hold onto the thought of. He leans back against Jedao, tilting his head to the side to accommodate the neck-nuzzling.
"Regardless of marriage," he says, low. "We do already belong to each other -- already, and always."
"I'm proving I'll brave belligerent waterfowl for you. And take care of you. Or something. I'll pick the second most ornery goose I can find," he promises.
Jedao kisses the same spot, then nibbles it gently.
"The most ornery being reserved for Shuos Jedao," Hakkai agrees, voice dropping to a throaty rumble. He lifts a hand to cup around Jedao's cheek, fingertips trailing along his cheekbone.
"You do take very good care of me. Even when I'm being irrational. Thank you, Jedao-shei."
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Re: a few days after the end of the flood
That's what rituals are for.
"I don't know, maybe I'm not making sense anymore." He wraps his arms tight around Hakkai's chest, perches his chin on his shoulder.
"But I don't need you to be someone who can ask for that, as long as...you're okay with me thinking you should get to have it, if you ever did want."
Re: a few days after the end of the flood
There's no ritual that's enough to make them count if they don't. It's just... inviting commentary, on whether they do count.
But he can understand why it matters so much to Jedao if that's how he sees it. And he can understand why it doesn't have to mean he's seeing Hakkai as a different person than he truly is.
"Maybe I should just remind myself that we're doing this for us," he murmurs. "Not for them, not to give us the right to be seen. Just for us."
Re: a few days after the end of the flood
"You're doing it for me. And I'm doing it because...it helps me feel something I already believe. And also because I want you to make Shuos Jedao hold a goose."
Warm and wry. He gives Hakkai a little squeeze and nuzzles at his neck fondly.
Re: a few days after the end of the flood
And because it will also be extremely funny, and it's something to hold onto the thought of. He leans back against Jedao, tilting his head to the side to accommodate the neck-nuzzling.
"Regardless of marriage," he says, low. "We do already belong to each other -- already, and always."
Re: a few days after the end of the flood
"But yes." Jedao presses a soft kiss to his neck, behind the hinge of his jaw.
Re: a few days after the end of the flood
"Well, so long as I get to watch him try to wrangle it, then."
Re: a few days after the end of the flood
Jedao kisses the same spot, then nibbles it gently.
Re: a few days after the end of the flood
"You do take very good care of me. Even when I'm being irrational. Thank you, Jedao-shei."
Re: a few days after the end of the flood
"Thank you for letting me take care of you," he adds, more softly, intimate enough to be for Hakkai's ears only, even if they were in a crowd.
Re: a few days after the end of the flood
And vulnerable, and in need of care.
He turns half-around, towards Jedao enough that he can find his mouth for a soft, slow kiss.
Re: a few days after the end of the flood