"You are special," Jedao whispers. "You're so - I want you all the time. I mean - the way a cat wants to sit in the sunshine. Just being near you, I feel...lighter, more like a person. Wanting to kiss you and just wanting you, it's not separate, it's like one molten thing in my chest. Only right now I don't - trust my own wanting not to poison you."
It's hard when there's no right answer. When it's just one voice against the onslaught of voices in your head telling you that you'll just ruin every good thing you'll ever have. God knows Eiffel's dealt with his own enough.
But he can still try. "Well. I do have the benefit of knowing what a bad relationship feels like. And plenty of other people to talk to if I need a reality check." He tugs Jedao in a little, so he can lean in to plant a kiss on his forehead. "So, I guess- even in the worst possible case scenario where you do end up being bad for me. I've got back-up plans."
He smiles at Jedao, soft and small. "But I know how hard you're always trying. So I'm not scared."
Jedao makes a soft, crushed noise when Eiffel kisses him, and clenches his hands into fists, but he doesn't, doesn't, doesn't let himself flinch.
"I don't even believe it, really," he tries to explain, voice thin and strained. "I just can't stop feeling it. Like. Like your ears still ringing after an explosion."
"Well, that's supposed to stop, eventually," he echoes without realising, leaning against the console again. Still wrapped around Jedao to keep him warm and upright against him. "But... you know, if symptoms persist, I'm pretty sure you're supposed to go see a doctor. People's brains aren't supposed to handle all the bad shit that happens to 'em."
"My psychiatric team recommended I be executed," Jedao says, voice low and steady, in a tone that's hard to place in between mild and flat.
"It's not totally their fault. Bad data. And I was being recalcitrant. I learned a lot from them, actually. But I don't find doctors...healing. As a rule."
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"You are special," Jedao whispers. "You're so - I want you all the time. I mean - the way a cat wants to sit in the sunshine. Just being near you, I feel...lighter, more like a person. Wanting to kiss you and just wanting you, it's not separate, it's like one molten thing in my chest. Only right now I don't - trust my own wanting not to poison you."
no subject
But he can still try. "Well. I do have the benefit of knowing what a bad relationship feels like. And plenty of other people to talk to if I need a reality check." He tugs Jedao in a little, so he can lean in to plant a kiss on his forehead. "So, I guess- even in the worst possible case scenario where you do end up being bad for me. I've got back-up plans."
He smiles at Jedao, soft and small. "But I know how hard you're always trying. So I'm not scared."
no subject
"I don't even believe it, really," he tries to explain, voice thin and strained. "I just can't stop feeling it. Like. Like your ears still ringing after an explosion."
And it'll fade the same way. He hopes.
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no subject
"It's not totally their fault. Bad data. And I was being recalcitrant. I learned a lot from them, actually. But I don't find doctors...healing. As a rule."