He drops a little kiss on the top of Edwin's head.
"Well...I want to be happy for you. I am happy for you. But I don't know what to say about it. I don't often remember my own dreams. And where I come from, dreams can be vulnerable."
"Vulnerable?" He knows--academically speaking--that dreams are vulnerable in his universe too. It's a way the King in Yellow can slip in, start to corrupt and drive mad to create new supplicants and slaves. Edwin shivers, thinking about it that way for the first time. "A... weak point?"
"Yeah. There were - there are people who can go into your dreams and hunt you there, learn your secrets. Probably weapons that work through dreams too, since there are defenses. It's not something I've studied a lot, though."
Mikodez was never going to let the Rahal scry him, fortunately.
"...What if I-- well, I can't, but John could probably give you dreams. Safe ones, that people can't touch." There's distinct hesitation after the I can't. He wants to be able to. He wants to be the one who gives Jedao something special that he couldn't have before.
"Even--" He stops, not wanting to spoil the conversation, afraid that he will, but John told him to say true things, not correct ones. "Even if I... do... things I know are wrong?"
Jedao is quiet for a few seconds. It's important to him to always tell Edwin the truth, too - which is not something he worries about for most people. But Edwin really listens.
"It makes me sad, that you did that to Collins. But that doesn't take away from how happy it makes me, that you're you, and that you're with me. Both of those things are real at the same time. One doesn't change the other."
Well. That's about as shocking as John pointing out that not being truthful, trying to please, means not letting people know him, or noting that humans are all made the same way but are wildly different from each other still. As shocking as John coming to find him in the woods all the way back at Halloween. As stunning as Roman saying Edwin has a conscience, or Malcolm apologizing and explaining the answers to Edwin's questions about philosophy when he realized the questions themselves were genuine. As Arthur saying he was sorry the first time. Hunter not hurting him after he killed Collins. It's that same firecracker-loud, flare-bright sensation in his mind, the shock of something important stitching itself into him.
He stays very still with that fingertip perched on his gel-cool skin, the smell a strange sideways echo of the scent he thinks of as John's--the cold between stars, the light of foreign moons, scents that humans would say aren't scents because they don't know how to breathe them in properly.
His eyes are doing that annoying tearing-up-thing again. John probably doesn't cry half this much. "I don't want to do it again."
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He knows his body dreamed, before Kujen woke it up. He doesn't remember what.
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"Well...I want to be happy for you. I am happy for you. But I don't know what to say about it. I don't often remember my own dreams. And where I come from, dreams can be vulnerable."
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Mikodez was never going to let the Rahal scry him, fortunately.
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"It makes me sad, that you did that to Collins. But that doesn't take away from how happy it makes me, that you're you, and that you're with me. Both of those things are real at the same time. One doesn't change the other."
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"R... Really?"
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"Even though I really don't like torture. I don't want you to ever do something like that again."
He puts a fingertip on Edwin's nose.
"I'm not asking you to promise me. I'm just...telling you, that's a true thing. But I'm proud of you for thinking of him, and trying to make amends."
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His eyes are doing that annoying tearing-up-thing again. John probably doesn't cry half this much. "I don't want to do it again."
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"Thank you. I... I won't let him see it's me. Whatever it is. Because then he won't accept it, probably."