Sometimes, Malcolm, dare I say often, when I told you what to do without an elaborate peer-to-peer consultation, it was because you were doing harm, and my first priority was to get you to fucking stop. Because I was in fact treating you like a fellow professional who didn't need his hand held, and not making either your agency or fixing you my priority.
I don't care that you have limitations, Malcolm. But it drives me up the fucking wall that you never seem to factor in any awareness of their existence into your assessments. "Oh, hm, maybe I'll listen first and ask for context second, since I know I struggle with this." No. Everyone has to prioritize your right to feel like a respected colleague above anything else going on.
And sometimes, you didn't get an explanation of why because you didn't have a right to that explanation. Sometimes, when you hurt people, you aren't entitled to the vulnerable, intimate details of their pain that would make sense of why they're reacting badly. Sometimes you just have to listen when they or I or anyone tells you they aren't saying stop because they don't trust you to listen. But no, you've got to understand, no one is ever allowed to just tell you to stop fucking up, because it's all about you and your damage.
Oh. Okay. Sorry. I offered you honesty and vulnerability because I thought we were going to close this chapter with understanding and walk away like that. But it’s back to why you know better than everyone and are the only one who can gauge “damage” and are the only one that knows how to deal with it. You decided at some point that you hate me because you’re right and I’m wrong and I somehow refuse to bow to that, despite the fact that you’re always right and understand everything about everyone and I understand nothing. You have the only valid point of view and I’ve refused to acknowledge that. Which is honestly the polar opposite of “we’re just not compatible”. I’m not allowed to know the whys of things because I should concede that you knowing is enough and trust that.
In that case? I don’t accept your apology, because you don’t mean it. You did harm here because, by the time it came to that, you were petty grudging so hard at my refusal to bow to your superior knowledge and skill at People that you didn’t care if you salted the Earth. You wanted to spank me on the way out. But you know what? You never once in all this time gave me a reason to trust you and your knowledge and your assessment of anything. You didn’t take the time to build trust in your knowledge with me. I could say fuck you, too, but I’m not feeling it. I’m just sad about it. About how there’s no middle ground for you to meet people in. You can only get along with them if they acknowledge your superiority. You’re a snob and I’ve had enough of those in my life.
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no subject
I don't care that you have limitations, Malcolm. But it drives me up the fucking wall that you never seem to factor in any awareness of their existence into your assessments. "Oh, hm, maybe I'll listen first and ask for context second, since I know I struggle with this." No. Everyone has to prioritize your right to feel like a respected colleague above anything else going on.
And sometimes, you didn't get an explanation of why because you didn't have a right to that explanation. Sometimes, when you hurt people, you aren't entitled to the vulnerable, intimate details of their pain that would make sense of why they're reacting badly. Sometimes you just have to listen when they or I or anyone tells you they aren't saying stop because they don't trust you to listen. But no, you've got to understand, no one is ever allowed to just tell you to stop fucking up, because it's all about you and your damage.
Fuck off.
no subject
In that case? I don’t accept your apology, because you don’t mean it. You did harm here because, by the time it came to that, you were petty grudging so hard at my refusal to bow to your superior knowledge and skill at People that you didn’t care if you salted the Earth. You wanted to spank me on the way out. But you know what? You never once in all this time gave me a reason to trust you and your knowledge and your assessment of anything. You didn’t take the time to build trust in your knowledge with me. I could say fuck you, too, but I’m not feeling it. I’m just sad about it. About how there’s no middle ground for you to meet people in. You can only get along with them if they acknowledge your superiority. You’re a snob and I’ve had enough of those in my life.