[he has the tone of someone who is not fully convinced himself that what he's saying is true. On the other hand, he has acquired a cabin remodel overnight. There's a bathroom opening off it to the left.
[He feels a rush of relief and pride and happiness; Gonou's chances of vanishing on him, which he has staunchly refused to think about, must be slashed now. And of course Gonou deserves it, has worked so hard to be his better self. There's nervousness too, the formless fine anxiety he supposes goes with any big change.]
Well...there is sort of a steam boiler in the Engine Room. I give it some charcoal and fire it up for a few days every month or so, since that seems to make her happy.
[He'd been considering burning them and dropping the ashes over the deck railing if there wasn't a safe place to set things on fire, but burning them as fuel feels better. More productive, somehow.]
... Yes, I think that would be nice. Meet you at the Engine Room?
[He'll probably be there before Gonou, since Gonou has to make a stop at the counseling office before he heads down to the engine room. He slows as he approaches the door, looking around. Jedao might already be inside--]
Jedao is, in fact, just behind him, and emerges from the other stairwell, since he spent two minutes wondering if it was enough of an occasion that he ought to dress up for it, then realized he was going to be late and ran down, re-touseling his for-once combed hair.
He grins at Gonou and breaks into a brief run, catches him up in a tight hug. Even though Gonou looks exactly the same, the joy of the news bursts over him again.
Gonou turns towards him, wrapping his arms around Jedao's shoulders in an equally tight squeeze. The letters crumple in his hand as he does, but he doesn't care.
"I still don't know what I did differently! I feel the same--"
He pulls back, a little, and tilts his head just a bit so his silver limiters catch the light.
"-- except I can feel you now, even with these on."
"Like your hair growing. All of a sudden, it's 'how did that happen?'" He laughs a little, and lets them into the strange conglomeration of the engine room.
"Graduation is the moment when you realize it's long enough to tie back," Gonou agrees, straight-faced, and follows Jedao in, staying close enough for their shoulders to brush together.
The Engine Room, as always, is a bizarre agglomeration of things, with the game consoles and the bronze-and-marble air hockey table stuffed in cheek by jowl with light displays, crystal arrays, buttons and leavers. Jedao heads over to the steam pipe, behind a bulkhead, and checks the water level in the boiler and the the valves before opening up the burner grate.
"I tried to write some of those," he admits. "I was awful at it, though."
It's strangely comforting in here, with all the strange clutter and blinking lights: possibly because he associates it with Jedao, still. Possibly just because, even if he doesn't know what any of it does, this is one of the places on the Barge that looks really functional: strange, yes, but full of things that are doing something.
He leans a little more closely against Jedao at the admission.
"I don't think mine were any good," he confesses. "Very self-absorbed. But I thought it would be worse to say nothing...."
He looks down at the letters in his hands, wrinkling his nose. He might have to write some more, just in case. Wardens don't die if they leave, but Wardens sometimes disappear without warning, and he remembers Raylan's upset when his partner had disappeared after a fight they hadn't had the time to resolve.
With a small sigh, he picks out the one with Eiffel's name on it and slips it onto the grate.
"You're allowed to say things that are about you, you know," Jedao points out.
He stirs up the remaining charcoal and pulls out the pack of white matches that the barge thinks go with with the old boiler. He'd used a laser to light it once, and she puffed steam right in his face. He tosses one inside and uses a mothtouch to scrape a line of wax away from the phosphorous. It spits and sparks, and quickly catches on the paper.
"I kept trying to plan my own rescue. I'd be alive, I'd have just forgotten, at worst. Iris would get me, if just for his sake, and - it all sort of fell apart there, if the Admiral wouldn't take me back."
"I could get Iris to take me with her now, if anything happened," Gonou remarks, leaning a little against Jedao as he watches the edges of the letter curl and wither.
"-- that one said 'Take care of Jedao,'" he adds softly, with a wry sidelong glance at Jedao. "'And yourself too.' I think I threatened to haunt him if he didn't."
Jedao leans in too, tipping his head onto Gonou's shoulder.
"The first time I came to the barge, I was just - a guest, during a flood. For him. And I was so mad that everyone kept declaring they were going to rescue me without asking me first. I wasn't - of course I wasn't happy there. But I was still doing things that were important to me. Or it was important to me that I'd decided to do them, or something. But I'd go with you, if you just said you were my friend. That it wasn't about him, and I could bring Hemiola. And - I know we said it wasn't destiny. But - I know I could fall in love with you again. There's so much you understand. If it ever came to that."
"Then it's a plan," Gonou murmurs. "If it ever happens. It-- doesn't have to be destiny, for the two of us to fit together, even if one of us forgets."
He pulls out the letter with Jedao's name on it, looking at it for a long moment before he glances a little uncertainly at Jedao.
"...if I rewrite this," he adds, very quietly, "I'll put directions in it, to Sha Gojyo's house outside town, where you can find me even if I forget." Because he'll be alive, now. Because he doesn't have to write, Be happy with someone else; you deserve so much love. He can be just a little bit more selfish than that, and write Come get me when you can instead.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
1/7, before his public post
... I should tell you. I believe I've graduated?
[he has the tone of someone who is not fully convinced himself that what he's saying is true. On the other hand, he has acquired a cabin remodel overnight. There's a bathroom opening off it to the left.
Strangely, he doesn't feel any different.]
Re: 1/7, before his public post
My hero.
Do you, um, have plans?
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[Because if he does go anywhere now, it won't mean he's dead. Which is -- very important.]
And -- Xie Lian offered to introduce me to some of his friends, back home. But I'll come back here after that.
I may have to ask you for Wardening advice.
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But I love you. I'm so proud of you.
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[He lets out a breath, and then adds, speaking a little too fast:]
I'm-- very glad this means I won't die on you.
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... would you like to help me burn those letters?
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Where would you like to do it?
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Ah... there isn't any fireplace in any of the very secret warden spaces, is there? [He's teasing a little.]
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[He'd been considering burning them and dropping the ashes over the deck railing if there wasn't a safe place to set things on fire, but burning them as fuel feels better. More productive, somehow.]
... Yes, I think that would be nice. Meet you at the Engine Room?
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He grins at Gonou and breaks into a brief run, catches him up in a tight hug. Even though Gonou looks exactly the same, the joy of the news bursts over him again.
"You did it."
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"I still don't know what I did differently! I feel the same--"
He pulls back, a little, and tilts his head just a bit so his silver limiters catch the light.
"-- except I can feel you now, even with these on."
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"I tried to write some of those," he admits. "I was awful at it, though."
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He leans a little more closely against Jedao at the admission.
"I don't think mine were any good," he confesses. "Very self-absorbed. But I thought it would be worse to say nothing...."
He looks down at the letters in his hands, wrinkling his nose. He might have to write some more, just in case. Wardens don't die if they leave, but Wardens sometimes disappear without warning, and he remembers Raylan's upset when his partner had disappeared after a fight they hadn't had the time to resolve.
With a small sigh, he picks out the one with Eiffel's name on it and slips it onto the grate.
Re: 1/7, before his public post
He stirs up the remaining charcoal and pulls out the pack of white matches that the barge thinks go with with the old boiler. He'd used a laser to light it once, and she puffed steam right in his face. He tosses one inside and uses a mothtouch to scrape a line of wax away from the phosphorous. It spits and sparks, and quickly catches on the paper.
"I kept trying to plan my own rescue. I'd be alive, I'd have just forgotten, at worst. Iris would get me, if just for his sake, and - it all sort of fell apart there, if the Admiral wouldn't take me back."
Re: 1/7, before his public post
"-- that one said 'Take care of Jedao,'" he adds softly, with a wry sidelong glance at Jedao. "'And yourself too.' I think I threatened to haunt him if he didn't."
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"The first time I came to the barge, I was just - a guest, during a flood. For him. And I was so mad that everyone kept declaring they were going to rescue me without asking me first. I wasn't - of course I wasn't happy there. But I was still doing things that were important to me. Or it was important to me that I'd decided to do them, or something. But I'd go with you, if you just said you were my friend. That it wasn't about him, and I could bring Hemiola. And - I know we said it wasn't destiny. But - I know I could fall in love with you again. There's so much you understand. If it ever came to that."
Re: 1/7, before his public post
He pulls out the letter with Jedao's name on it, looking at it for a long moment before he glances a little uncertainly at Jedao.
"...if I rewrite this," he adds, very quietly, "I'll put directions in it, to Sha Gojyo's house outside town, where you can find me even if I forget." Because he'll be alive, now. Because he doesn't have to write, Be happy with someone else; you deserve so much love. He can be just a little bit more selfish than that, and write Come get me when you can instead.
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