"I'm still getting used to that," she grumbles - because honestly, as much as she adores Neal, she'd been so sure that if (when?) (if?) he decides that he's finally done with her, she'd understand and accept it and walk it off easily. It had been something of a mindfuck to find out how wrong she was in that assumption.
"But, you know - the fact that he's so important to me means that I don't want to matter to him under false pretenses. Even if I was tempted to pawn off the blame - which I'm not - if he's angry with me because I helped you, pretending I didn't agree with you isn't a real solution for me. Agreeing to never talk about it is one thing; so is, I don't know, disagreeing and giving each other crap about it but not letting it change what we mean to each other. Pretending to be someone that I'm not to trick him into liking me when he wouldn't otherwise, though? That'd really suck."
You're steady. You aren't going to have a whole bunch of new feelings about my feelings, so...that's safer, you know? I can just have my feelings, and not worry about hiding them or protecting you or seeming like I have my shit together. You aren't trying to guess or pry into things. I can share or not share and you won't take it personally either way. I don't have be broken and worry about doing it right at the same time, because you just...take things as they are. It's really nice.
[Some people - maybe a lot of people - would like more sympathy when they're upset. But for Jedao, Shaw's low affect and blunt honesty are so fucking relaxing. There's nothing to guess or juggle.]
So. Thanks for coming by, is what I'm trying to say. You're a better friend than you get credit for.
[He says it softly, but firmly. Not that he really doubted it in the slightest, but it's still good to hear. Not just that Shaw is loved for who she is, but also Root tells her. He lets himself lean on her shoulder a little more, lets himself go quiet and still, lets the ache of the whole horrible few days echo around his ribs for a long, soft silence.]
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[She closes her eyes for a moment.]
Runs the risk of making the people you're shielding feel like crap when you take those bullets for them, though.
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We can do solidarity if it's Eiffel that's mad.
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[But her lips quirk up into the faintest of smiles.]
If it's Eiffel that's mad, I'll let him yell, and then I'll pin him down and noogie him into submission.
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Anyway...I hope he's not mad at you at all. I'm just saying...you care a lot more about how Neal feels about you than I do, alright?
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"But, you know - the fact that he's so important to me means that I don't want to matter to him under false pretenses. Even if I was tempted to pawn off the blame - which I'm not - if he's angry with me because I helped you, pretending I didn't agree with you isn't a real solution for me. Agreeing to never talk about it is one thing; so is, I don't know, disagreeing and giving each other crap about it but not letting it change what we mean to each other. Pretending to be someone that I'm not to trick him into liking me when he wouldn't otherwise, though? That'd really suck."
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She doesn't need to be stubborn for his sake, if agreeing to disagree is on the table.
"I should stop borrowing trouble. You're kind of comforting to have around, is all." So he's nitpicking to keep the conversation going.
me fucking with the formatting, siiiiiigh
Gotta say, I don't hear that one much. Why?
Re: me fucking with the formatting, siiiiiigh
[Some people - maybe a lot of people - would like more sympathy when they're upset. But for Jedao, Shaw's low affect and blunt honesty are so fucking relaxing. There's nothing to guess or juggle.]
So. Thanks for coming by, is what I'm trying to say. You're a better friend than you get credit for.
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Root tells me that, too.
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[He says it softly, but firmly. Not that he really doubted it in the slightest, but it's still good to hear. Not just that Shaw is loved for who she is, but also Root tells her. He lets himself lean on her shoulder a little more, lets himself go quiet and still, lets the ache of the whole horrible few days echo around his ribs for a long, soft silence.]