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[An anxious silence as he thinks about the people Jedao had teaching him things. It only took him three years, but he had multiple teachers, teachers that it sounds like were there just for him.
Moreover, to someone who can only truly remember about a week, three years seems like an eternity of time.]
I don't have mind experts. How long will it take without them?
Moreover, to someone who can only truly remember about a week, three years seems like an eternity of time.]
I don't have mind experts. How long will it take without them?
I don't know.
You don't have to be that good at it to do it though. I mean - if it takes an hour of rambling around muttering and grumbling to yourself, or a friend, until you find out what the fuck is underneath all the rubble of these feelings - once you've cleared some of the rubble and gotten a look at it, you still know, if that makes sense?
That's one of the reasons humans offer to talk about stuff so much. Because they've experienced that, even if they don't know exactly how it works consciously.
And I'm here to help you, while you learn. Anytime you need.
You don't have to be that good at it to do it though. I mean - if it takes an hour of rambling around muttering and grumbling to yourself, or a friend, until you find out what the fuck is underneath all the rubble of these feelings - once you've cleared some of the rubble and gotten a look at it, you still know, if that makes sense?
That's one of the reasons humans offer to talk about stuff so much. Because they've experienced that, even if they don't know exactly how it works consciously.
And I'm here to help you, while you learn. Anytime you need.
[He's a little too tender not to get caught offguard by the hug, and a small oof of surprise escapes him when he's gripped like that, going stiff for just a second - but then he feels that well of emotion rise up again, and he wraps his arms around Jedao's chest to hug him back just as tight, and his ears wiggle a little from the sheer overwhelming warmth of it all.
Flapjack just watches all this from on top of his head, with an almost parental joy in his single open eye.]
Flapjack just watches all this from on top of his head, with an almost parental joy in his single open eye.]
[It's a very familiar reaction - Shen Wei does almost exactly the same thing. So did he, the first time Iris help him. Maybe it's a child soldier thing, Jedao muses, holding him all the way through it.
After a long few breaths, Jedao relaxes his grip to tow them back over to the couch, where the low coffee table is already set.]
I remember you said once that fruit and bread were okay for you? So I made apple tea, and toast with jam.
[The toast is as yet plain; several jams are arranged on the tray.]
After a long few breaths, Jedao relaxes his grip to tow them back over to the couch, where the low coffee table is already set.]
I remember you said once that fruit and bread were okay for you? So I made apple tea, and toast with jam.
[The toast is as yet plain; several jams are arranged on the tray.]
Y-yeah, that's- it is. Thanks.
[He feels weirdly seen right now, and there's still an echo in his soul that wants to cover up and hide from it, that still can't help but associate it with the threat of harm, but Jedao was soft and the hug was nice and the bread smells good, and he'll - honestly, quite happily - let himself be towed to the couch.
Flapjack jumps off his head immediately as he sits, landing next to the platter with an expectant chirp at Hunter, and he giggles softly as he picks up the toast and breaks a piece off for his palisman.]
[He feels weirdly seen right now, and there's still an echo in his soul that wants to cover up and hide from it, that still can't help but associate it with the threat of harm, but Jedao was soft and the hug was nice and the bread smells good, and he'll - honestly, quite happily - let himself be towed to the couch.
Flapjack jumps off his head immediately as he sits, landing next to the platter with an expectant chirp at Hunter, and he giggles softly as he picks up the toast and breaks a piece off for his palisman.]
Jeep comes galloping into the room, launching himself into the air about ten feet from the couch, landing with his hind claws in the couch back and and his front claws in Jedao's shoulder, his white batlike wings flapping erratically as he makes raspy, indignant chirps at the idea of someone getting tidbits but not him.
Jedao laughs and smears some apricot marmalade on another piece of crust and holds him up for him.
"I'd never forget you, Jeep," Jedao promises the little dragon, laughing softly in turn.
Jedao laughs and smears some apricot marmalade on another piece of crust and holds him up for him.
"I'd never forget you, Jeep," Jedao promises the little dragon, laughing softly in turn.
Why can you want something but also not want the same thing at the same time?
Well, any one thing usually has at least a couple different consequences. You might want some of them but not others. Or you might just not know exactly how it will turn out - so you can want the good outcome you're hoping for, but not want the bad outcome that might also happen. Or if the good outcome is really important to you, you might just...be scared to feel sad and disappointed if it doesn't work. If you never try, you can always tell yourself it would work. But if the thing happens, then you have to know for sure.
Does it feel like any of those?
Does it feel like any of those?
...Hm. [He doesn't say anything else for a few long seconds, doesn't say that he doesn't need or want Jedao's help, which is the snarling defense painted over his nerves at letting anyone know more about his feelings.
.......annnnnnd then he hangs up.]
.......annnnnnd then he hangs up.]
Goodbye, Yellow.
[Jedao says softly, warmly. Although -]
If you ever wanted to be called something else, not what Arthur called you, that'd be okay.
[Jedao says softly, warmly. Although -]
If you ever wanted to be called something else, not what Arthur called you, that'd be okay.
[Yellow catches it, barely, that last bit of advice. It stops him from hanging up immediately. Gets an uncertain pause, a whole new wave of emotions rolling over him that he doesn't know what to do with.
Instead he gives another little awkward affirmative grunt, and hangs up this time without smashing his communicator against the desk in his room.]
Instead he gives another little awkward affirmative grunt, and hangs up this time without smashing his communicator against the desk in his room.]
Hunter's eyes go wide when the tiny dragon jumps onto the couch, but it's immediately obvious that he is besotted by it, if the way his eyes light up is any indication.
Which is definitely confirmed by the delighted whisper of "I love him." a moment later.
Flapjack, who is too old to be jealous but never too old to make a new friend, flits up onto Jedao's other shoulder to chirp curiously at Jeep. Another familiar? Friend!!
Which is definitely confirmed by the delighted whisper of "I love him." a moment later.
Flapjack, who is too old to be jealous but never too old to make a new friend, flits up onto Jedao's other shoulder to chirp curiously at Jeep. Another familiar? Friend!!
Jeep arches his neck and chirps back, turning his head from side to side to look at Flapjack with one reptilian eye, then the other.
"He's Hakkai's pet, more than mine," Jedao explains. "But I am very shameless about giving him treats, so he likes me. Jeep is very bribable."
"He's Hakkai's pet, more than mine," Jedao explains. "But I am very shameless about giving him treats, so he likes me. Jeep is very bribable."
I want to come feel something nice.
...Please.
...Please.
The last one. The last one is it.
[He's relieved to have a straightforward answer.]
[He's relieved to have a straightforward answer.]
I've definitely felt that one before.
Can you tell me more about the thing you're hoping for?
Can you tell me more about the thing you're hoping for?
...For Arthur to care about me like he cares about John.
Can you tell me more about what that looks like, when you imagine it?
Like... if he cared about you the way want, how would you know? What things do you want him to do?
Like... if he cared about you the way want, how would you know? What things do you want him to do?
No. [Not defensive, just honest.] I don't know. It would be... different. John says Arthur hates him sometimes, too, but. I've never seen him be angry at John.
I haven't either. But I've seen him be angry at me, and I know he's hurt John too. I think Arthur does care about you now, even if it's different from how he cares about John.
Can I come see you? I want to...hold you in my feelings.
Can I come see you? I want to...hold you in my feelings.
[In exactly the same bright-casual tone]
I'm really more of a deep throat guy.
And I'm designing party invitations.
[Indeed, there are dozens of alternate designs and element studies on the table surrounding him; currently Jedao is carving out a block of linoleum to make a print.]
I'm really more of a deep throat guy.
And I'm designing party invitations.
[Indeed, there are dozens of alternate designs and element studies on the table surrounding him; currently Jedao is carving out a block of linoleum to make a print.]
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