deuceoftears | TLV IC Inbox

No, that's- entirely fair, actually.

[He's not going to pretend John's not an idiot himself sometimes; the majority of their miscommunications at this point were from John trying to actively avoid exposing his own wounds to people.]

Did we want to... do this in person, then? Or are you alright with talking like this? I can get us some tea, otherwise.

[Jedao lets Arthur see him effortfully push through the defensiveness, blowing out a long, deep breath.]

No, if we're going to do this, let's go somewhere grounding. Some place you like with a sky.

I know just the spot. I'll meet you in the Enclosure.

[Because it's going to be Arkham, of course. Clear skies were uncommon, what with the factories and barges all along the Miskatonic, but he arranges for a clear sky regardless; it's an almost startling blue, over the brownstones and black tar roads, with a crisp autumn breeze blowing thick, post-storm clouds and thin streams of smog over the river, as the Enclosure door leads out of an otherwise unremarkable unit of flats and out to a stretch of bridge spanning the wide river. It's cool, puddled after a flash rain has come and gone, and Arthur's got a dry trenchcoat on, its ends flapping in the light breeze as he gives Jedao an easy smile.]

Jedao turns up looking like an extra smudge: black pants, shapeless charcoal sweater. He has his hands shoved in his pockets, but even his current mood can't really tarnish the allure planetscapes still have for him; he peers down the path of the river with slightly dazed curiosity.

Honestly, he looks like he'd fit right in, and it's a little charming.

"Welcome to Arkham," he says simply, gesturing with the hand still in his pockets at the river. "This is the Miskatonic river - it starts somewhere out north-west, I think, near the state line, and goes south out to Kingsport, at the ocean - maybe an hour's drive from here."

Jedao blinks for a moment, filtering that information through a grab-bag of breach memories.

"...in a car?" That's what drives. He's 98% sure.

He can't help the huff, but it's warm and fond.

"Yes, a car. Like the ones from the circus breach. Going at about twenty, maybe twenty-five miles an hour." He points south, down the river flowing away from them. "The highway follows the river down to the coast, then you have to make a hard turn and keep driving. It's actually not that far, you just have to mind the other traffic."

"I'm also pretty hazy on what a mile is," Jedao admits. Not that it much matters.

"Too damn far, basically." They can definitely come back to it later when they're not gracefully avoiding the actual reason they're here.

But he'll come up beside Jedao, close enough that the slightest shift in weight has their shoulders pressed together, and he gives him a small smile. "How are you going, anyway? What with being a needy moron, as you put it."

There's no scorn in Arthur's tone, just a fond sort of exasperation at Jedao's choice of words.

Jedao looks out at the water and sighs softly.

"I've been better," he admits. "I've been a lot worse, too."

He mirrors Jedao without really thinking, giving his own quiet sigh as he does close the fractional distance, nudging into Jedao and staying against him.

"...John let me listen to the conversation you two had," he says. Just so Jedao's clear on where their infosec is at on it. "And I don't think you did anything wrong, for what it's worth," he adds, more conversationally, "He did ask for your opinion. It just..." He shrugs gently, rumpling Jedao's sweater a little with the motion. "It didn't seem like either of you felt like it was a satisfactory conclusion."

Jedao rolls a few different grumbles around in his mouth before swallowing them down.

"I don't need to be satisfied, because it's not about me."

"Alright, so. What did you want, then? No wrong answers."

"You can say no wrong answers with your facehole, but that doesn't make it true," Jedao says dourly.

"And if you want John to fuck you, you can just ask him and he'll oblige," he says, primly snide. "That's not going to change when he's married."

Jedao rolls his eyes. "I know that. Obviously he wasn't dumping me."

Jedao blinks.

"Wait, did you not know we've been fucking since the day he got a body?"

His cheeks turn a delicate shade of pink.

"I-I didn't know it was that long, no, but- look, based on your conversation, John seemed under the impression that you thought he was off-limits somehow, now that he's getting married."

"I was figuring out ways to do it before then, but you got it for him before I had worked out how to pitch him the idea," Jedao adds. It's a weird, pointless point of pride, and also easier than talking about the real - thing.

"It's not that. If he wanted us to stop he'd have said that. I just...I really was just surprised. It's not a word I expected him to want. Which was stupid, in retrospect, and if I'm hurt it's only because I'm mad at myself for being selfish. It's not his fault and the only way to convince him it's not his fault is to explain my own failures and hypocrisies in excruciating, disproportionate detail, and I'm just - I'm just not up to that right now."

His voice ends up heavy and small at the same time.

He wraps his arm around Jedao's shoulders and gives him a little squeeze.

"Can I ask what you think the word does mean to him? Y-you don't have to, I just- I had to have that conversation with him as well, about what everyone else is going to hear when he says it. It's not something that... that ever really came up much between us, previously."

Jedao just sort of...tilts gently into him.

"I don't know," he admits, sounding just a little raw. "But I know it means something, something significant and personal and private, and it's something he wants. And he's not marrying me, so doesn't owe me an explanation. It's on me to be a good friend and be happy for him and I will."

And Jedao gets a chaste little kiss pressed into his hair.

"Jedao. John didn't even know that it means exclusive."

Not that their own marriages are at all typical, but even assuming that conventional marriage was what John was drawing from would explain a lot of the confusion.

"Only on your barbarian planet," Jedao grumbles, staying tucked right in against Arthur's side.

That gets a little chuckle as he rests his head on Jedao.

"...Sokie needs an anchor," he says, after a few moments of silence. "Someone she feels like she's always able to come back to, no matter how long, and still... be able to see that person as home. Safety. Humans aren't meant to get as old as she is, and John's going to live forever, so the pair of them are outliers, even in their own worlds."

He gives a soft hum, mulling over his words. "John recognises how important that is. To have something to ground you. In- in the present, in reality, in love. He loves Sokie, and he wants to be there for her. For as long as she'll have him. He sees it as a vow, to spend their lives together and promise to look after each other. That's all."

Oh, is that all. Jedao supposes he does deserve to have his nose ground in it.

"Great. Well, now that's all cleared up."

Without thinking he donks their heads together a little, a playful reprimand. "And that doesn't mean he loves you one inch less, you melodramatic butterfly. His promises and how he loves are different for everyone, but he still loves you with his entire fucking chest."

Re: A few days after John's announcement

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Re: A few days after John's announcement