[Even this late, it does feel like there's something odd - off - about Hakkai reaching out to him by text. Whatever it is, Jedao suspects he's underselling how disoriented he is.]
Hakkai nods to himself, tucks his communicator into his pocket and hurries home.
It isn't anything bad, is the thing. It's not even any of his business, obviously, or Gojyo would have mentioned it; they don't talk about Gojyo's hookups. That's a long-established rule of their friendship. Hakkai really shouldn't be having quite so many conflicted feelings about this one.
He's choosing to blame the fact that they'd seemed so close, in that moment before Hakkai had called out to them.
He'd been up on deck, and it doesn't take all that long to take the stairs down, even allowing for his efforts not to be too loud at this hour. A few minutes later, he lets himself into their cabin and lets out a half-wild rush of breath, visibly deflating as the door closes behind him.
Hakkai heads for the kitchen, reaching up to pull his monocle off as he goes, and sets it at the edge of the kitchen counter. It stays there so that he can go directly to Jedao and pull him into an embrace, dropping his face against the soft fall of Jedao's grown-out hair, without anything in his way.
Muffled, and rueful, he murmurs, "Thank you for making tea, Jedao-shei."
He doesn't let go. After a long moment of silence, he does add, "... I'm being stupid about something that isn't even my business. But I think Gojyo is sleeping with Armand?"
He can't quite believe it himself, but he doesn't think he's wrong.
"It's not, though," Hakkai protests. "He's been with dozens of women since I've known him - I know for a fact he has a few on board now...."
But it's still different. Hakkai's even tried hinting to Gojyo that he wouldn't say no, once or twice recently, and Gojyo hadn't bitten. And it's one thing, if it's just that Gojyo isn't interested in men that way, or doesn't want to know if he could be.
It feels considerably more personal if it's just that he doesn't want Hakkai, specifically.
"And if you cared, they'd be your business too," Jedao insists staunchly. "You get to care about what people you love are doing. Just because you don't get to be in charge of it doesn't mean you aren't allowed your own feelings," Jedao says earnestly, with zero self-awareness whatsoever.
"Darling, you believe that even less than I do," Hakkai points out, very gently. It hasn't been that long since they had the conversation about John's marriage.
But in any case-- the gentle levity falls away, and he sighs, pulling back from the hug to meet Jedao's gaze.
"...I don't think I'm not allowed to have feelings about it. Just that-- it's not any different, and he hasn't done anything wrong, no matter what my feelings are."
He's still choosing to avoid the topic of what, in fact, those feelings are. It's embarrassing. Anyway, Jedao probably knows.
"If that moron is running around on us with the barge's fourth-hottest vampire, it is absolutely different," Jedao says, in an exaggerated grumpy tone which is, tragically, only about half tongue-in-cheek.
"Astarion, Florian, and Eric, of course." No matter that Jedao is sleeping with two out of three and would have taken Eric for a spin as well if that wouldn't have been weird for Godric. Jedao has taste.
"And I'm only rating Sam fifth because I'm allowing for him not being Gojyo's type, but he's also clearly a better choice."
"He's probably more Goku's type," Hakkai agrees absently. Or he would be Goku's type if he had about twice as much muscle mass. "And Gojyo doesn't really make... good choices about that sort of thing--"
Honestly, the only thing that's throwing him is that they're intimate. Gojyo being close to a manipulative asshole isn't at all surprising; Hakkai knows his own flaws, and Armand strikes Hakkai as much cleverer than Banri. But. Still.
"He didn't exactly tell me," Hakkai adds. "I ran into the two of them up on deck and he jumped back like Armand had burned him as soon as he saw me."
"I do," Hakkai mutters, "wish he'd actually told me. But we usually don't talk about his--"
A little vague flutter of one hand encompasses Gojyo's love life. Dalliances sounds far too stuffy, and all the other options leaping to mind are either crude or make a lot of assumptions about the feelings involved.
"It does make me feel like I've been made a fool," Hakkai mutters, turning towards the teapot to check its steeping and pour. "But I-- we-- don't have any claim on him. He's been clear enough about that."
He's aware he shouldn't be grumbling like this in front of Jedao when Jedao and Gojyo are still so barely reconciled to each other's company, but he certainly couldn't say this in front of anyone else. He's gotten too used to being able to talk about his feelings, that's the problem. He barely has the will to swallow anything back anymore.
"You have a claim on him being fucking considerate of you," Jedao mutters. Too often, in Jedao's opinion, he isn't.
Jedao kisses his temple, then his forehead, standing on his tiptoes to do it, still holding him close, then gives him a tight, tight squeeze. "I'm sorry, love."
Hakkai abandons the tea to let his hands slip up to the small of Jedao's back and holds him tight in return.
"He cares, but he doesn't consider things," he mutters, and closes his eyes as he lets the tension knotted under his breastbone out on a long, long sigh.
"It's fine," he says at last. "But if I hear so much as a hint that he's going steady with Armand I'm going to break his nose. Promise you'll let me before anyone breaks up the fight?"
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Come home about it?
Or do you want me to come to you?
no subject
It's about Gojyo. If it's all right that I
That is, if you're comfortable with me talking about him to you?
It's nothing bad.
no subject
It's fine, love.
I'll make tea.]
no subject
It isn't anything bad, is the thing. It's not even any of his business, obviously, or Gojyo would have mentioned it; they don't talk about Gojyo's hookups. That's a long-established rule of their friendship. Hakkai really shouldn't be having quite so many conflicted feelings about this one.
He's choosing to blame the fact that they'd seemed so close, in that moment before Hakkai had called out to them.
He'd been up on deck, and it doesn't take all that long to take the stairs down, even allowing for his efforts not to be too loud at this hour. A few minutes later, he lets himself into their cabin and lets out a half-wild rush of breath, visibly deflating as the door closes behind him.
"I'm home," he calls after a moment.
no subject
no subject
Muffled, and rueful, he murmurs, "Thank you for making tea, Jedao-shei."
no subject
"I love you, Hakkai-shei."
no subject
He doesn't let go. After a long moment of silence, he does add, "... I'm being stupid about something that isn't even my business. But I think Gojyo is sleeping with Armand?"
He can't quite believe it himself, but he doesn't think he's wrong.
no subject
As a romantic endearment, Jedao usually reserves baby for Eiffel, or occasionally Zerxus. But he is feeling powerfully protective at the moment.
no subject
But it's still different. Hakkai's even tried hinting to Gojyo that he wouldn't say no, once or twice recently, and Gojyo hadn't bitten. And it's one thing, if it's just that Gojyo isn't interested in men that way, or doesn't want to know if he could be.
It feels considerably more personal if it's just that he doesn't want Hakkai, specifically.
no subject
no subject
But in any case-- the gentle levity falls away, and he sighs, pulling back from the hug to meet Jedao's gaze.
"...I don't think I'm not allowed to have feelings about it. Just that-- it's not any different, and he hasn't done anything wrong, no matter what my feelings are."
He's still choosing to avoid the topic of what, in fact, those feelings are. It's embarrassing. Anyway, Jedao probably knows.
no subject
no subject
no subject
"And I'm only rating Sam fifth because I'm allowing for him not being Gojyo's type, but he's also clearly a better choice."
no subject
Honestly, the only thing that's throwing him is that they're intimate. Gojyo being close to a manipulative asshole isn't at all surprising; Hakkai knows his own flaws, and Armand strikes Hakkai as much cleverer than Banri. But. Still.
"He didn't exactly tell me," Hakkai adds. "I ran into the two of them up on deck and he jumped back like Armand had burned him as soon as he saw me."
no subject
no subject
A little vague flutter of one hand encompasses Gojyo's love life. Dalliances sounds far too stuffy, and all the other options leaping to mind are either crude or make a lot of assumptions about the feelings involved.
no subject
no subject
He's aware he shouldn't be grumbling like this in front of Jedao when Jedao and Gojyo are still so barely reconciled to each other's company, but he certainly couldn't say this in front of anyone else. He's gotten too used to being able to talk about his feelings, that's the problem. He barely has the will to swallow anything back anymore.
no subject
Jedao kisses his temple, then his forehead, standing on his tiptoes to do it, still holding him close, then gives him a tight, tight squeeze. "I'm sorry, love."
no subject
"He cares, but he doesn't consider things," he mutters, and closes his eyes as he lets the tension knotted under his breastbone out on a long, long sigh.
"It's fine," he says at last. "But if I hear so much as a hint that he's going steady with Armand I'm going to break his nose. Promise you'll let me before anyone breaks up the fight?"
no subject
no subject
no subject
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)