[Norton takes a moment to let out a deep, slow breath and reads Jedao's initial message about Eiffel.]
You're absolute shite at public relations when you're self-flagellating with guilt, you know that? Wooden recitation of a report as if it were just an technology extraction mission gone a bit wonky might have been the only way to keep your brain working at the time, darling, but it clearly didn't do you any favours in the court of public opinion.
It occurs to me when some terribly unpleasant task lands in your lap, you seem incapable of passing it off to someone else, even if doing it destroys you in the process. I wouldn't say your choices were bad, they certainly made logical sense with the information you had, but it really didn't have to be you who did it.
And you've not only wrecked yourself, you wrecked Neal, too, when, instead of doing something sensible like talking him down or disarming him, you stabbed yourself in the neck in self-hated over doing things you could have given to another person and didn't. Neal shouldn't have gone after you. You were just trying to save Eiffel as best you knew how. But since your self-hatred needlessly hurt him, too, I'm not feeling very sympathetic to it right now.
[Really, he should have guessed. He feels stupid, and hurt, and then stupid again. Norton wasn't pushing him because he wanted to talk as a friend. When Jedao tried to tell him it was too vulnerable, too raw, he didn't ignore Jedao out of misguided stubbornness. He ignored Jedao because he's here to punish him.
Fair enough.
Leave me alone or I'll send Neal my tongue in a box next, he thinks, viciously, part cornered animal, part ruthless agent. But none of this is Neal's fault, and Jedao doesn't like to bluff if he doesn't have to. Especially with a fellow fox likely to poke at it.]
we could save time if you'd just tell me the truth you know
[Norton believes one should never have an agenda when you could have two or three instead. There is an element of punishment. He's too petty, too vindictive for that not to be a little bit of his motive. But he also means it as a concerned observation: 'do something about your propensity for self-loathing because you're hurting yourself and people who come near you.'
Neither. I want you to strategize better next time. Call on someone else instead of hurting yourself and everyone around you by doing something you hate yourself for.
Well everyone involved is hurting now, including you, so unless that was one of your strategic priorities this was a bit of a FUBAR. One that might have been avoided if you'd been a little less self-loathing.
I imagine when you're less...like this...you'll realize how utterly ridiculous it is to say you'd rather risk hurting people than deal with your bloody issues.
[Is it hypocritical of Norton to say this? Probably, but that doesn't stop him.]
i would rather stab every person on this ship in the face myself than let eiffel wander around being happily mind-raped for however long it took the barge committee to gnaw its way through its own limb to an agreed-upon course of action, because it was "only his personality" and not a "real medical emergency"
[Which he would have thought Norton would understand. But even as bitter and vicious as he feels right now, he doesn't quite throw that in his face.]
you don't know me as well as you think you do. i deal with my bloody issues all the bloody time
i didn't stab myself because i was overcome with self-loathing. i stabbed myself because i was numb, focused on the extraction, and it seemed more efficient to just give neal what he was asking for
next time ill know better than to let him in the room in the first place
I never said you had to bring it to the full Barge committee, I said you didn't need to deal with it on your own. Which in the end is what happened anyway. And what worked.
And if you'd really murder a ship full of people to save one person, maybe you need to reassess your qualifications for being a warden.
[He absolutely does not let himself think about all the people he led to their deaths to get Gideon back when he was taken over.]
yes so obviously i'm not obsessively incapable of recruiting help
but if i HAD talked to other people beforehand im fairly sure we'd have all come to the logical conclusion that it made sense to at least try to disable it with the smallest possible disturbance before jumping to invasive surgery with far more moving parts and more potential points of failure
i did think about my options. and the risks, and the death toll
[He thought about them very quickly, but that's what he does, in a crisis. It's what Jedao One did, too, not that he's thinking about that.]
i wasnt reckless. i was just mistaken
and im sorry that hurt eiffel, and im sorry it hurt neal too.
[But you're wrong about me - no. A real apology doesn't end with 'but' anything.]
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You're absolute shite at public relations when you're self-flagellating with guilt, you know that? Wooden recitation of a report as if it were just an technology extraction mission gone a bit wonky might have been the only way to keep your brain working at the time, darling, but it clearly didn't do you any favours in the court of public opinion.
Stop texting and talk to me.
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if you want me to talk to you
i will scream and then hang up
eiffel is himself again
objective achieved
i really don't care who hates me as a result
what do you want
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But mission's over so I want you to scream for me, if that's what your real thoughts are at this moment.
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its
just screaming
and i don't want to hurt anybody else because i cant stop
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Your screaming won't hurt me.
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losing my temper does not feel safe
even if youd forgive me
and im
im not raw i feel skinned
[Even a gentle touch can feel like an attack, in this condition. He is, at least, terribly self-aware of it.]
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To me. It doesn't feel safe to me, fucking obviously, you insensitive cogfucking moron.
There. I did it, and I hate myself a little more. Congratulations. Fuck off.
[And the camera goes back off.]
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And you've not only wrecked yourself, you wrecked Neal, too, when, instead of doing something sensible like talking him down or disarming him, you stabbed yourself in the neck in self-hated over doing things you could have given to another person and didn't. Neal shouldn't have gone after you. You were just trying to save Eiffel as best you knew how. But since your self-hatred needlessly hurt him, too, I'm not feeling very sympathetic to it right now.
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[Really, he should have guessed. He feels stupid, and hurt, and then stupid again. Norton wasn't pushing him because he wanted to talk as a friend. When Jedao tried to tell him it was too vulnerable, too raw, he didn't ignore Jedao out of misguided stubbornness. He ignored Jedao because he's here to punish him.
Fair enough.
Leave me alone or I'll send Neal my tongue in a box next, he thinks, viciously, part cornered animal, part ruthless agent. But none of this is Neal's fault, and Jedao doesn't like to bluff if he doesn't have to. Especially with a fellow fox likely to poke at it.]
we could save time if you'd just tell me the truth you know
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He doesn't admit to either, however.]
Lord no, that wouldn't be like me at all.
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[And Norton is one of a small handful of people on the ship who knows exactly how weighted a statement that is.]
is it that you'd like to hear my screams, or that i should stop wallowing
you do have to pick, because my balance is too shot to do both
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I imagine when you're less...like this...you'll realize how utterly ridiculous it is to say you'd rather risk hurting people than deal with your bloody issues.
[Is it hypocritical of Norton to say this? Probably, but that doesn't stop him.]
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i would rather stab every person on this ship in the face myself than let eiffel wander around being happily mind-raped for however long it took the barge committee to gnaw its way through its own limb to an agreed-upon course of action, because it was "only his personality" and not a "real medical emergency"
[Which he would have thought Norton would understand. But even as bitter and vicious as he feels right now, he doesn't quite throw that in his face.]
you don't know me as well as you think you do. i deal with my bloody issues all the bloody time
i didn't stab myself because i was overcome with self-loathing. i stabbed myself because i was numb, focused on the extraction, and it seemed more efficient to just give neal what he was asking for
next time ill know better than to let him in the room in the first place
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And if you'd really murder a ship full of people to save one person, maybe you need to reassess your qualifications for being a warden.
[He absolutely does not let himself think about all the people he led to their deaths to get Gideon back when he was taken over.]
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but if i HAD talked to other people beforehand im fairly sure we'd have all come to the logical conclusion that it made sense to at least try to disable it with the smallest possible disturbance before jumping to invasive surgery with far more moving parts and more potential points of failure
i did think about my options. and the risks, and the death toll
[He thought about them very quickly, but that's what he does, in a crisis. It's what Jedao One did, too, not that he's thinking about that.]
i wasnt reckless. i was just mistaken
and im sorry that hurt eiffel, and im sorry it hurt neal too.
[But you're wrong about me - no. A real apology doesn't end with 'but' anything.]