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[deuceoftears]

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[deuceoftears]

Jedao peels off his sweater and undershirt in a single motion, with a faint gulped breath and a moment of grimness, like a swimmer jumping all at once into cold water, or a child ripping off a band-aid. His chest is scene of long devastation, more scar than skin, overlapping tracks from every imaginable weapon and some impossible to identify. There are shiny square patches of old grafts, with scars both under and over them, a palimpsest of unknown wars. One nipple is gone entirely, and his belly and arms are dappled with outlying scars, like concentric rings around the bulls-eye of his heart, only intermittently targeted by poorer marksmen.

Gonou had some warning, feeling the more dramatic scars with his fingers, but he still feels nervous all over again, not precisely because he doesn't want Gonou to see, but just because it's so much.

"I don't remember any of them," he says quickly, balling up his shirt and sweater in his hands and then not sure what else to do with them, eyes fixed on Gonou's buttons. "They happened to - him. They don't hurt or anything, they're just...cosmetic."

[reformedsinner]

He'd guessed the scars would be bad, but they are worse than he had thought, a sprawling history of old pain from someone Jedao had only been made to look like. His eye widens as he takes them in, and then he abandons his shirt, unbuttoned but not yet pushed back over his shoulders, and leans in to kiss Jedao gently.

"I'm glad none of that happened to you," he breathes over Jedao's lips. "Does it bother you if I touch them?"

[deuceoftears]

Kissing is easy; he sighs into it with relief as much as desire. He rests his forehead against Gonou's, close, safe.

"Not really. But they still don't feel like mine, so - I don't know. I want you to touch me, not him. It's my chest, but - just don't, fixate on them, I guess?" He's not even sure what that would look like; Dhanneth mostly kept behind him.

[reformedsinner]

Gonou curls one hand around the nape of Jedao's neck, foreheads pressed together and his voice quiet between them.

"You're the one I love," he murmurs. "I don't even know him; I only want to touch you." He brushes his free hand down over Jedao's ribs and the planes of his belly, not stopping anywhere the texture changed from smooth skin to scar to graft, ending with his fingers pressed against the waistband of Jedao's pants.

"Is that good?" he murmurs, stealing another kiss.

[deuceoftears]

He shudders through the declaration, breathes under the long touch, overwhelmed in the best way.

"Perfect," he breathes, his heart jolting in his chest, and he kisses Gonou yet again, wet and hungry.

[reformedsinner]

For a long moment, Gonou loses himself in the kiss, his own hunger matching Jedao's.

He doesn't stop kissing as he shrugs his shirt off, sending it down to the floor with an impatient shake of one arm; his ribs are still bandaged and he'll have to be a little careful, but he heals faster with his limiters off. The pain is down to what it should have been after a few weeks instead of a few days.

[deuceoftears]

Jedao slides a hand up Gonou's arm, feeling the lines of trim muscle, then the smooth curve of his shoulder joint. Jedao strokes blindly along the line of Gonou's collarbone, still pouring himself into the kiss.

[reformedsinner]

Gonou makes a soft, pleased sound into the kiss as Jedao's hand skates over his shoulder and collarbone; the light touch raises goosebumps in its wake.

"You promised ear nibbling," he murmurs, teasing; his own hands are coming to rest on Jedao's sides, thumbs stroking over his ribs. "I'd like that."

[deuceoftears]

"Okay."

Jedao nuzzles the tips of their noses together for a moment, then shifts to get his knees under him on the bed, making him taller-enough than Gonou sitting to nuzzle comfortably against his hair for a moment. He licks the outer curve of the shell of Gonou's ear, nuzzles a little more.

"Still as sensitive?"

[reformedsinner]

Gonou shivers, catching his breath, as his hand stills on Jedao's lower ribs.

"...still sensitive," he says, voice throaty, and leans in Jedao's direction. "Maybe not as, though."

[deuceoftears]

"It's up to you," Jedao murmurs, breath warm and close. He catches the edge of Gonou's ear gingerly between his teeth, tugging gently, teasing with the tip of his tongue.

[reformedsinner]

The sharp edge of Jedao's teeth and the softness of his tongue pull another soft, hungry noise from him, and he leans in towards Jedao, reaching out to rest his hand on Jedao's knee.

"I do like it," he murmurs back, a little breathless still. "But-- maybe not enough to focus on for too long in this shape." Without his limiters, that's a very different story.

Without his limiters... strangely, after all that time on the Galley with Jedao, he finds he doesn't dislike the idea of intimacy without his limiters as much as he'd expected to. It's not the right body, but it's starting to feel like it's also his.

[deuceoftears]

"I'll let you think about it," Jedao rumbles, warm and low, and then proceeds to do his very best not to let Gonou think about anything, tongue sliding around the whorl of his hear, nibbling up and down the edge, tracing and sucking, nipping lightly at the lobe and then sucking again.

[reformedsinner]

The sounds Gonou makes are ingrained by a secret affair begun in student housing: sharp breaths and soft barely-voiced groans, intimate because they are audible only in the space between the two of them. His chin tips up involuntarily, baring the line of his throat, and his hands slide down Jedao's sides, landing where they catch on the waistband of his pants, and letting his fingertips dip below it to press against the sharp line of his hipbones.

"--more," he whispers, feeling as though too much of his blood is deserting his brain for other destinations, "please?"

[deuceoftears]

"Anything you want," Jedao promises, with the recklessness of both inexperience and masochism.

He groans a little, kissing along the edge of Gonou's jaw to that offered throat, although he's more tentative with his teeth than Gonou was. He skates one hand against Gonou's hipbone in turn, touching without quite asking.

[reformedsinner]

Gonou's chin tips up further as Jedao's lips touch his throat, pulse leaping against the skin of his neck as he makes a bitten-off noise. His hip shifts insistently forward against Jedao's hand.

He doesn't, in fact, have a clear idea of what he wants: he knows what he enjoys in bed with a woman, but the logistics of what two men can do are fuzzy for him beyond hands and mouths.

He's rather planning to rely on Jedao for those details.

"Touch me?" he suggests softly, his thumbs rubbing over Jedao's hips in short, repeated strokes.

CW: heavy petting turning into actual sex around here

[deuceoftears]

"Yeah," Jedao breathes, running his hand lightly over the front of Gonou's pants as a final teasing, feeling the vague shape of his cock against Jedao's palm through the fabric before he tugs open the zipper. He's still pressing soft, wet kisses to Gonou's neck, interspersed with playful little bites, sharper as he gets more confident listening to the sounds Gonou makes.

Jedao's mothsense justifies several horrors of his existence by allowing him to hook two fingers into Gonou's underwear and tug them down blindly without anything tender catching before he can wrap his hand around Gonou, unearned sword callouses and all, heart hammering in his throat, and give him a slow, easy stroke..

CW: heavy petting turning into actual sex around here

[reformedsinner]

The interplay of sharp teeth and soft lips at his throat has Gonou dazed and yielding, lost in sensation: he rocks up into Jedao's hand with a stutter of breath.

"Yes," he says, half a groan, and digs his fingers harder into Jedao's skin. "Can I--?"

[deuceoftears]

"Yes," Jedao stutters, and manages to strangle the insecure, nonsensical if you want to that tries to bubble up after it. Gonou is saying yes. Gonou is asking. He's seen the black blood, even if only droplets, and he isn't disgusted. He wants to.

Jedao's hand strokes a little rougher than he means to; he feels like his ears are full of jangling bells and his chest is full of thrashing wings and fine bonsai wire wrapped around his ribs, his dick aching with desire, too dumb to understand the nuances of adrenaline, nerves and excitement mingled perfectly together like ice melted into a drink. He wants, but it still doesn't make sense for him to actually get to have this; he wants so badly that it's terrifying, each successive moment that ought to be the one when Gonou finally realizes his mistake.

[reformedsinner]

The rougher touch, the fighter's calluses are a near-match for the way Gonou's used to touching himself, and he responds to the familiar touch without thought. His hips cant up hungrily as he makes his way by touch to the button of Jedao's pants, pops it and eases the zipper down.

He cups Jedao through the fabric of his underwear first, fingers mapping the outlines of his erection before he begins to slide the underwear down in turn.

[deuceoftears]

His jaw is clenched for a few seconds, and he doesn't know why; he pants and whines against Gonou's neck, his hand still except for rubbing his thumb over the head of Gonou's cock like a luck talisman, intimate and compulsive, hyperaware of the sensations in his hand, soft hot skin, just as much as he is of Gonou's hand over his own cock. He rocks his hips, a small hungry rolling, and something knotted tight inside him pulls free after a moment, and he huffs in relief that's almost as confusion as the tension had been once his underwear is out of the way.

[reformedsinner]

"Good?" Gonou whispers, voice strained and hungry as he turns his head towards Jedao's, dropping messy open-mouthed kisses against his temple, his eyebrow, the finely arched curve of his ear. His hand curls around Jedao's erection as he eases pants and underwear down a few extra inches with his other hand, but he isn't stroking him, not yet.

[deuceoftears]

"Yeah," Jedao breathes; he feels like he's rifling through his own chest like messy sock drawer, trying to find the microbug he can just hear buzzing. It's good but he wants something to make it easier, and if he could just figure it out -

His eyelids flutter a few times as the kisses traverse his face, and he rocks a little more, sliding through Gonou's still grip.

"Can we - give me a second, let me get them all the way off?"

[reformedsinner]

"Yeah," Gonou whispers against his ear, lifting his hand away with a trailing stroke of his fingers. "Yeah - I should too -" he's reaching for his own pants now, pushing up from the bed just enough to shove them the rest of the way down over his hips to a level where he can kick them away.

On the grounds that, right now, he has more desperation than he does standards, he's not bothering to take off his socks.

[deuceoftears]

Jedao shimmies off the bed; the just slightly-too-big pants fall off easily enough to step out of, heedlessly. There's barely a half-step between them, and once they're both nude Jedao slides in, killing-close, one hand to his chip and the other to a hip. He kisses Gonou with the whole length of their bodies brushing together, shameless and electric.