[Shortly after this Norton sends Jedao an Artistic Nude that's on the tasteful side of racy. It shows Norton lounging on his bed, eyes closed but lips curved in a smirk like he's thinking of something naughty.]
So you don't feel left out, sweetcheeks.
So you don't feel left out, sweetcheeks.
You are a blessing in this uncaring march of shadows.
[Jedao sends him a picture back, of course, since that seems only polite. It's closer to a classic Dick Pic, since it really only shows from his thighs to the bottom of his ribs, with bright but harsher lighting to make the contast between skin and shadow pop. And is artistically framed, a three-quarters angle that shows the suggestive edges of bruises and welts curling around his hip and flank from where Astarion caned him, the shallow curve of the marks echoing the comfortable curve of his cock against his thighs.]
[Jedao sends him a picture back, of course, since that seems only polite. It's closer to a classic Dick Pic, since it really only shows from his thighs to the bottom of his ribs, with bright but harsher lighting to make the contast between skin and shadow pop. And is artistically framed, a three-quarters angle that shows the suggestive edges of bruises and welts curling around his hip and flank from where Astarion caned him, the shallow curve of the marks echoing the comfortable curve of his cock against his thighs.]
[Neal isn't sure he'll get an answer, but he wants to try at least. If he's going to make this a part of what he does on board, he has to be willing to do it.]
Hi, Jedao. I... It's Neal.
[AN AWKWARD PAUSE.]
I wanted to start by saying I'm sorry I... hung up on you, the other day. I--
[He stops again. His heart is fucking racing, god.]
I didn't have the chance to thank you. For saying what you did, for apologizing about getting caught up in arguing with me about the whole. Bathroom thing, and for acknowledging why people like-- [A note of wry amusement edges into his tone.] Why people like me and Kikimora might make noise when we feel like we can't do anything else that matters.
[Another pause. An unsteady breath.]
Look, I-- You're-- [ANOTHER!!! Pause.]
I fucked up with Arthur once. Badly. I was trying make him understand something, the way I felt about something, before we really knew each other well, and I did it in the most ham-fisted and dismissive possible way and earned the chewing out he gave me. Because... we didn't know each other. You... told me a lot, about yourself. On Halloween, at the Halloween party. And I did the thing I keep pointing out in other people, where I was so attached to the thought I was trying to illustrate, the point I was trying to prove, that I didn't give that the weight and space and honor the trust deserved. I'm sorry for that. Very, very sorry.
I told Arthur after that... a lot. Kind of everything, really, all the reasons that this place is so hard for me sometimes. I don't hate it here. I love the family I've made. I love taking my coffee up onto the deck in the morning and drinking it under starscapes I would never have the chance to see if I was on earth. I love the possibilities, I love the sheer enormous weight of potential that opens up when you think about where we are and how we got here. I love...
[His voice drops.] I love that I've had a chance to try and figure out who I even am, away from the place and people that made me someone who's greatest skill, whose greatest value was being nobody at all, being whoever they needed whenever they needed.
But the things that happened to me on board-- [He pauses, less halting and more weighted and thoughtful this time.] They don't have to be that way. That potential, it's all here, we can do so much, we can experiment and find ideas and try ways to do and be better. All of us. What happened to me shouldn't have happened. It doesn't happen to everyone, but it shouldn't happen at all. I wanted, when that happened, all I wanted was for someone to listen. I didn't ultimately care if Dorian actually got punished. I just wanted someone to tell me, unequivocally, without defending him or the situation or the barge, that it was cruel and senseless and shouldn't have been that way. I just wanted someone to hear me.
And the blowup with Kikimora--she smashed dishes and ripped clothes and people were calling for blood. Nothing happened, no. But the noise was still made. The wardens involved were still leading the charge. And in terms of, of, of publicity, of public relations, things like that are important. Nothing happened, but the people on the outside don't all know that, and any inmate who sees wardens calling for retribution over laundry dumped on the floor-- It's not a crisis. But it makes the job of every warden on board harder, because every inmate that sees that has less reason to expect we'll care when they're the ones in trouble. And when you set that next to the overwhelming attitude that murder is just a fact of life, it creates a dynamic that begs inmates not to trust us. Perception drives reality. If the perception is that we care more about disrupted lunch service than someone being slaughtered, the reality becomes one where collective trust is a delusional choice.
That's... why this is so important to me. It's why I'm going to do it, why I'm going to ask the Admiral for a dedicated office space and somewhere to serve as a space for mediation if people need strictly neutral territory and can't find it somewhere else. Zerxus is going to help me. I'm going to ask Xie Lian as well, once I've talked to the Admiral, and I'm going to ask Reid and John Doe to be on back-up rotation. For starters. And I want-- If you're interested, and I get why you wouldn't be, but if you are, I think you'd be good at it. I think we. We probably need to do some talking, probably a lot of talking, and I asked Zerxus if he'd help with that, too. But if this sounds like something you'd want to be a part of, I hope you will be.
Hi, Jedao. I... It's Neal.
[AN AWKWARD PAUSE.]
I wanted to start by saying I'm sorry I... hung up on you, the other day. I--
[He stops again. His heart is fucking racing, god.]
I didn't have the chance to thank you. For saying what you did, for apologizing about getting caught up in arguing with me about the whole. Bathroom thing, and for acknowledging why people like-- [A note of wry amusement edges into his tone.] Why people like me and Kikimora might make noise when we feel like we can't do anything else that matters.
[Another pause. An unsteady breath.]
Look, I-- You're-- [ANOTHER!!! Pause.]
I fucked up with Arthur once. Badly. I was trying make him understand something, the way I felt about something, before we really knew each other well, and I did it in the most ham-fisted and dismissive possible way and earned the chewing out he gave me. Because... we didn't know each other. You... told me a lot, about yourself. On Halloween, at the Halloween party. And I did the thing I keep pointing out in other people, where I was so attached to the thought I was trying to illustrate, the point I was trying to prove, that I didn't give that the weight and space and honor the trust deserved. I'm sorry for that. Very, very sorry.
I told Arthur after that... a lot. Kind of everything, really, all the reasons that this place is so hard for me sometimes. I don't hate it here. I love the family I've made. I love taking my coffee up onto the deck in the morning and drinking it under starscapes I would never have the chance to see if I was on earth. I love the possibilities, I love the sheer enormous weight of potential that opens up when you think about where we are and how we got here. I love...
[His voice drops.] I love that I've had a chance to try and figure out who I even am, away from the place and people that made me someone who's greatest skill, whose greatest value was being nobody at all, being whoever they needed whenever they needed.
But the things that happened to me on board-- [He pauses, less halting and more weighted and thoughtful this time.] They don't have to be that way. That potential, it's all here, we can do so much, we can experiment and find ideas and try ways to do and be better. All of us. What happened to me shouldn't have happened. It doesn't happen to everyone, but it shouldn't happen at all. I wanted, when that happened, all I wanted was for someone to listen. I didn't ultimately care if Dorian actually got punished. I just wanted someone to tell me, unequivocally, without defending him or the situation or the barge, that it was cruel and senseless and shouldn't have been that way. I just wanted someone to hear me.
And the blowup with Kikimora--she smashed dishes and ripped clothes and people were calling for blood. Nothing happened, no. But the noise was still made. The wardens involved were still leading the charge. And in terms of, of, of publicity, of public relations, things like that are important. Nothing happened, but the people on the outside don't all know that, and any inmate who sees wardens calling for retribution over laundry dumped on the floor-- It's not a crisis. But it makes the job of every warden on board harder, because every inmate that sees that has less reason to expect we'll care when they're the ones in trouble. And when you set that next to the overwhelming attitude that murder is just a fact of life, it creates a dynamic that begs inmates not to trust us. Perception drives reality. If the perception is that we care more about disrupted lunch service than someone being slaughtered, the reality becomes one where collective trust is a delusional choice.
That's... why this is so important to me. It's why I'm going to do it, why I'm going to ask the Admiral for a dedicated office space and somewhere to serve as a space for mediation if people need strictly neutral territory and can't find it somewhere else. Zerxus is going to help me. I'm going to ask Xie Lian as well, once I've talked to the Admiral, and I'm going to ask Reid and John Doe to be on back-up rotation. For starters. And I want-- If you're interested, and I get why you wouldn't be, but if you are, I think you'd be good at it. I think we. We probably need to do some talking, probably a lot of talking, and I asked Zerxus if he'd help with that, too. But if this sounds like something you'd want to be a part of, I hope you will be.
[This so. So much. Not necessarily in terms of words, but just - Jedao was ready, is the thing. He had his arguments prepared, braced against any of a dozen different would-be diplomats trying to fix something that could simply, more kindly be left alone. He was practicing it in his head, drawing that boundary, for when Arthur or Eiffel or Shaw or - Malcolm, on the outside, maybe Norton, came to try and explain Neal's perspective, and ask him to apologize again.
No, he was going to say. I know you mean well, but absolutely not. The more I push the more I'm just going to hurt him, no matter how I try. Until Neal says out loud with his own human mouth that he wants to talk to me, my answer is no.
But here he is.]
You don't need to apologize for hanging up. I...
[His voice sounds a little bit lost.]
I hurt you. Again. I was trying to - do that. To say that I had heard you. But I got it wrong, and - and I don't. Entirely know where I went wrong, this time, but I'm sorry, for that, and. You don't have to explain it and you don't ever have to be sorry for getting away from someone who's hurting you.
You're right, that it shouldn't happen.
[He bites the inside of his cheek for a moment; his blood is as disgusting as ever, viscous and inky. He swallows it down compulsively.]
A thing, about me is - I'm a tactician. That's...what I'm for. Breaking things down. Predicting...paths of escalation, obstacles, counters. Seeing what will work and what won't. I don't know how this will work. But I do think it's worth trying. I didn't...expect you to want me anywhere near it, honestly.
[He laughs, a soft shaky two-breath sound. He's going to get to give Jesus such a smug I-Told-You-So, and he's Shuos enough to enjoy that prospect.]
If you....really want me to be there, then I will.
No, he was going to say. I know you mean well, but absolutely not. The more I push the more I'm just going to hurt him, no matter how I try. Until Neal says out loud with his own human mouth that he wants to talk to me, my answer is no.
But here he is.]
You don't need to apologize for hanging up. I...
[His voice sounds a little bit lost.]
I hurt you. Again. I was trying to - do that. To say that I had heard you. But I got it wrong, and - and I don't. Entirely know where I went wrong, this time, but I'm sorry, for that, and. You don't have to explain it and you don't ever have to be sorry for getting away from someone who's hurting you.
You're right, that it shouldn't happen.
[He bites the inside of his cheek for a moment; his blood is as disgusting as ever, viscous and inky. He swallows it down compulsively.]
A thing, about me is - I'm a tactician. That's...what I'm for. Breaking things down. Predicting...paths of escalation, obstacles, counters. Seeing what will work and what won't. I don't know how this will work. But I do think it's worth trying. I didn't...expect you to want me anywhere near it, honestly.
[He laughs, a soft shaky two-breath sound. He's going to get to give Jesus such a smug I-Told-You-So, and he's Shuos enough to enjoy that prospect.]
If you....really want me to be there, then I will.
Edited 2023-12-21 05:43 (UTC)
[He sits very very still and quiet in his chosen study room in the library for an hour, simply breathing as his senses slowly cascade into being, and as the world around him filters slowly back into his awareness, awash in the heady scents and colors and flavors of the power that animates the universe. It's like he's been simply looking at a photograph of the world, beautifully and immaculately rendered but utterly devoid of life, and suddenly he's stepped through the frame into a fully realized world with depth and texture and substance.
He can feel the currents of power swirling through the halls and brushing across his skin, smell the icy cold of the darkness between the stars, hear the whispers of life from every corner of the ship. And so he sits there for an hour, and then for another hour, breathing slow and steady as he acclimates to being at least something close to fully himself again... because if he tries to do anything else right now he is mortifyingly certain he'll break down and cry.
And then he gives himself another thirty minutes to fully master himself before packing away his things and returning them to his desk in Zhao Yunlan's quarters, every movement measured and precise as he allows himself to revel in the rightness of the world around him.
And only then does he reply again to xiao Jedao on the network.]
[text]
May I please speak with you in person?
This is not something suitably conveyed over the network, and his earlier thanks were a paltry thing relative to the enormity of the gift his warden has given him.
He can feel the currents of power swirling through the halls and brushing across his skin, smell the icy cold of the darkness between the stars, hear the whispers of life from every corner of the ship. And so he sits there for an hour, and then for another hour, breathing slow and steady as he acclimates to being at least something close to fully himself again... because if he tries to do anything else right now he is mortifyingly certain he'll break down and cry.
And then he gives himself another thirty minutes to fully master himself before packing away his things and returning them to his desk in Zhao Yunlan's quarters, every movement measured and precise as he allows himself to revel in the rightness of the world around him.
And only then does he reply again to xiao Jedao on the network.]
[text]
May I please speak with you in person?
This is not something suitably conveyed over the network, and his earlier thanks were a paltry thing relative to the enormity of the gift his warden has given him.
Edited 2023-12-31 09:06 (UTC)
I'll clear some time for you.
Where do you want to meet?
[Not that he had a terribly packed schedule, but it's about setting the example.]
Where do you want to meet?
[Not that he had a terribly packed schedule, but it's about setting the example.]
[Low, clearly murmured into a communicator in a public place. Hakkai's tone is extremely Rational and very focused on Problem Solving, in the dead-level way that suggests both that he will need to have a stabbing breakdown about this if he meets the people responsible and that he expects Jedao to... maybe also have a stabbing breakdown about this.
His self-control is better than Hakkai's, but Hakkai knows just how much worse this news is going to be for him.]
Eiffel's back, but he's -- Someone named Dr. Price did something to his mind. He remembered who I am and he knows what happened, but he isn't having normal reactions to any of it. He says she "stopped him from worrying."
I'm, ah.
Hoping that it's chemical and will wear off.
His self-control is better than Hakkai's, but Hakkai knows just how much worse this news is going to be for him.]
Eiffel's back, but he's -- Someone named Dr. Price did something to his mind. He remembered who I am and he knows what happened, but he isn't having normal reactions to any of it. He says she "stopped him from worrying."
I'm, ah.
Hoping that it's chemical and will wear off.
Heard.
[The icy, crystal-clear coldness of Jedao's voice is, indeed, Not A Great Sign.]
Where did you see Eiffel last, and can you ask Dr. Hilbert if he knows anything about Dr. Price.
[Without killing him, Jedao doesn't add. Hakkai has been working with Hilbert in the greenhouse; he's less likely than Jedao to do something rash.]
[The icy, crystal-clear coldness of Jedao's voice is, indeed, Not A Great Sign.]
Where did you see Eiffel last, and can you ask Dr. Hilbert if he knows anything about Dr. Price.
[Without killing him, Jedao doesn't add. Hakkai has been working with Hilbert in the greenhouse; he's less likely than Jedao to do something rash.]
[ These next messages are spaced out. One 20 minutes after the first one, the rest intermittently throughout until Jedao answers. ]
Just for clarification, I mean your best as like, a phrase, not literally, obviously you're not.
Was that shitty? It wasn't supposed to be shitty. Just, uuuuh... yeah. Let me know if you're okay. Not that I care.
I do care, actually. Like. You're, uh.... important. To Eiffel, I guess. Soooooo that's what I mean. Fuck off.
Actually? Fuck you, you're kind of important to me, too. I mean you're the weirdest person on this ship sans, like, Kiryu, but you're okay. So just get back to me. Or don't. I don't care. But actually really do get back to me, just. So we're clear.
Please.
Just for clarification, I mean your best as like, a phrase, not literally, obviously you're not.
Was that shitty? It wasn't supposed to be shitty. Just, uuuuh... yeah. Let me know if you're okay. Not that I care.
I do care, actually. Like. You're, uh.... important. To Eiffel, I guess. Soooooo that's what I mean. Fuck off.
Actually? Fuck you, you're kind of important to me, too. I mean you're the weirdest person on this ship sans, like, Kiryu, but you're okay. So just get back to me. Or don't. I don't care. But actually really do get back to me, just. So we're clear.
Please.
[Text, several hours later]
You are very kind.
[This is not a yes.]
You are very kind.
[This is not a yes.]
[When the reply comes, it comes a bit later and all at once: something he's spent a long time composing.]
I'm no longer bleeding.
Eiffel was involuntarily returned to his universe from December 25th to January 1st, which he experienced as a period of about 4 months.
Someone named Dr. Pryce implanted Eiffel and other members of his mission crew with mechanical devices that connected to the brain stem and the top of the spinal column. Iris has more details on Dr. Pryce than I do, if that's something you'd like to look into.
The device made him:
1) completely devoted to following Dr. Pryce's standing orders, which as of his return were "fix things without rest" - he would default to this within 10-15 minutes if not constantly supervised, which is why he didn't stay in the infirmary the first time Neal and Shaw brought him there
2) obey orders given by anyone else not conflicting with the above (refused to rest when I told him to)
3) compulsively deferential to everyone he encountered (called me General, etc)
4) completely removed his normal personality and interests in favor of the 'generally amiable and eager-to-please' baseline
5) altered his baseline energy and kinetics
6) exerted some effect to insulate him from or make him ignore his own physical pain
You know how I can touch things without touching them. I can do it very precisely. Rather than let him continue in that state or seek more invasive treatment right away, I tried to disable the device. I severed the internal wire connecting the implant's power source to the neural interface.
[It was the smallest, most precise, least risky modification he could think of to simply render the thing inert, hoping to spare Eiffel the ongoing effects before figuring out something as complicated as removal. And he still doesn't think it was the wrong move to try that first, or to do it without waiting for the barge committee to gnaw on the problem. But it still wasn't good enough.]
Some kind of killswitch activated, and delivered a massive, lethal electrical shock. Since Eiffel was already dead, I cut out the device myself to 1) see if he would resurrect without it, and 2) better study it in case resurrection was ineffective. Unfortunately, the device returned to him when the Death Toll activated.
I made a very blunt report about the situation, my actions, and the need to remove the device entirely. You should be able to see it now. Neal was included on the original filter as someone concerned about Eiffel's well-being.
He came to my cabin, gave me a scalpel, and told me to cut my own neck. Mimicking the dissection, you see. I did it. He was sick and upset after that. The rest you know.
He didn't do anything except get angry about his brother's death. He didn't even touch me. If he wants to know, please tell him I don't hold anything against him. He didn't do anything wrong.
I'm no longer bleeding.
Eiffel was involuntarily returned to his universe from December 25th to January 1st, which he experienced as a period of about 4 months.
Someone named Dr. Pryce implanted Eiffel and other members of his mission crew with mechanical devices that connected to the brain stem and the top of the spinal column. Iris has more details on Dr. Pryce than I do, if that's something you'd like to look into.
The device made him:
1) completely devoted to following Dr. Pryce's standing orders, which as of his return were "fix things without rest" - he would default to this within 10-15 minutes if not constantly supervised, which is why he didn't stay in the infirmary the first time Neal and Shaw brought him there
2) obey orders given by anyone else not conflicting with the above (refused to rest when I told him to)
3) compulsively deferential to everyone he encountered (called me General, etc)
4) completely removed his normal personality and interests in favor of the 'generally amiable and eager-to-please' baseline
5) altered his baseline energy and kinetics
6) exerted some effect to insulate him from or make him ignore his own physical pain
You know how I can touch things without touching them. I can do it very precisely. Rather than let him continue in that state or seek more invasive treatment right away, I tried to disable the device. I severed the internal wire connecting the implant's power source to the neural interface.
[It was the smallest, most precise, least risky modification he could think of to simply render the thing inert, hoping to spare Eiffel the ongoing effects before figuring out something as complicated as removal. And he still doesn't think it was the wrong move to try that first, or to do it without waiting for the barge committee to gnaw on the problem. But it still wasn't good enough.]
Some kind of killswitch activated, and delivered a massive, lethal electrical shock. Since Eiffel was already dead, I cut out the device myself to 1) see if he would resurrect without it, and 2) better study it in case resurrection was ineffective. Unfortunately, the device returned to him when the Death Toll activated.
I made a very blunt report about the situation, my actions, and the need to remove the device entirely. You should be able to see it now. Neal was included on the original filter as someone concerned about Eiffel's well-being.
He came to my cabin, gave me a scalpel, and told me to cut my own neck. Mimicking the dissection, you see. I did it. He was sick and upset after that. The rest you know.
He didn't do anything except get angry about his brother's death. He didn't even touch me. If he wants to know, please tell him I don't hold anything against him. He didn't do anything wrong.
Um. Hey. I hear you're not feeling well. Do you need anything?
[Oh, fire and ash. He doesn't have the energy to wrestle through the coddling Malcolm.]
nothing you can bring
take care of neal i think i scared him
nothing you can bring
take care of neal i think i scared him
I just wanted to... see how you were doing, given everything. When you have a moment, I should love to hear from you.
[Reid gets the rare privilege of Jedao's voice, without the insulating barrier of text. His voice is low, quiet, weary.]
I'm doing bad, Jonathan.
But I've been through worse. I just need to...ride it out.
I'm doing bad, Jonathan.
But I've been through worse. I just need to...ride it out.
[after this, Hakkai's shooting Jedao a quick text.]
Meet me at home? Nothing bad, but I have a question.
[and he's doing his very best to look unruffled for the walk back to their room, although his hair's rumpled at the back where he can't see it and his shirt is in slight disarray.
Also, the tips of his ears are flushed, but he's hoping that his hair is long enough to hide that from a casual glance. When he gets home, he nips hastily inside as soon as the door slides open, looking around for Jedao.]
Meet me at home? Nothing bad, but I have a question.
[and he's doing his very best to look unruffled for the walk back to their room, although his hair's rumpled at the back where he can't see it and his shirt is in slight disarray.
Also, the tips of his ears are flushed, but he's hoping that his hair is long enough to hide that from a casual glance. When he gets home, he nips hastily inside as soon as the door slides open, looking around for Jedao.]
a want-to-ask-in-person question
but not bad
oho
🤔👀🦀???
im on my way
[He turns the corner very soon after, already grinning.]
but not bad
oho
🤔👀🦀???
im on my way
[He turns the corner very soon after, already grinning.]
Edited 2024-01-07 17:48 (UTC)
actually
could you bring me a plain white coffee mug and some ceramic paints from the art room and a little brush
could you bring me a plain white coffee mug and some ceramic paints from the art room and a little brush
[ Sometime after all that mess, a delivery of tea and soup is left outside Jedao and Hakkai’s cabin. There is no note. ]
[A couple days later]
I know the soup was you because I have a door camera & it was very nice and thank you
but there have been multiple instances of poisoning on this ship so next time for anyone without my door maybe knock despite not wanting to Bother people
wait did you know I have a door camera or
I know the soup was you because I have a door camera & it was very nice and thank you
but there have been multiple instances of poisoning on this ship so next time for anyone without my door maybe knock despite not wanting to Bother people
wait did you know I have a door camera or
[Eiffel could communicate by- well, communicator. But it's more fun to go by walkie-talkie.]
This is Texas Blue Dog hailing Mothman, come in Mothman.
This is Texas Blue Dog hailing Mothman, come in Mothman.
[A week later - feels right, in his bones. The toll is over, or nearly; Jedao isn't hurting Eiffel every moment, any more. It's fair, somehow, even though Jedao doesn't usually care about fair. It also means he doesn't have the added guilt of Eiffel reaching out to him through the misery of the toll.
The callsigns even make him tweak a tiny smile, for a moment.]
This is Mothman. Reading you loud and clear, Texas Blue Dog. Over.
[His voice is a little scratchy with disuse, sounds hoarse and tired - playing into the joke is an effort. But worth it, probably.]
The callsigns even make him tweak a tiny smile, for a moment.]
This is Mothman. Reading you loud and clear, Texas Blue Dog. Over.
[His voice is a little scratchy with disuse, sounds hoarse and tired - playing into the joke is an effort. But worth it, probably.]
Re: backdated to kendall and roman's convo / before the event; cw grief
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
deuceoftears
2024-01-22 04:56 pm (UTC)(link)
i do recall
what's up
what's up
Jedao. I... I was hoping we could talk. About what happened with Eiffel, what I said. What I told you to do.
And before anything else, I want to say, Hakkai asked me if my reaction, being sick, was because of your blood, the way you bled, and it wasn't. Nothing about that made me feel sick. It was the fact that I wanted you to do that to yourself. Not what happened when you did.
And before anything else, I want to say, Hakkai asked me if my reaction, being sick, was because of your blood, the way you bled, and it wasn't. Nothing about that made me feel sick. It was the fact that I wanted you to do that to yourself. Not what happened when you did.
[Ah.]
Okay.
[The party was - a lot, and he wouldn't have gone if he didn't adore Reid beyond words. But he's not incapable of fielding this. He takes a few more deep breaths, and sits up from the blanket cocoon he's grown on the couch.]
Neal, I'm so sorry.
Okay.
[The party was - a lot, and he wouldn't have gone if he didn't adore Reid beyond words. But he's not incapable of fielding this. He takes a few more deep breaths, and sits up from the blanket cocoon he's grown on the couch.]
Neal, I'm so sorry.
He's snuggled on Jedao's couch, tucked in next to his thigh, firmly cat-squirrel shaped. It and various dogs are the things Edwin had gotten good at defaulting to when he's not rolling around the barge as an amorphous blob. He doesn't even have to think about maintaining the shape any more, not really.
But he's been quiet tonight, while they've watched episodes of something Edwin hasn't really been following. He's been preoccupied by something almost since movie night, periodically fretting to himself in his cabin until he can get it stuffed down and away enough to go about his day unbothered.
Abruptly, in the middle of an argument between two characters whose names he can't remember, he says, "What do you do if someone stops loving you? How do you know they're stopping? How can you make them... stay?"
But he's been quiet tonight, while they've watched episodes of something Edwin hasn't really been following. He's been preoccupied by something almost since movie night, periodically fretting to himself in his cabin until he can get it stuffed down and away enough to go about his day unbothered.
Abruptly, in the middle of an argument between two characters whose names he can't remember, he says, "What do you do if someone stops loving you? How do you know they're stopping? How can you make them... stay?"
Jedao squeezes him reflexively for a few seconds. He takes a long, slow breath.
He lowers the volume on the show, letting it gradually fade out as he answers.
"Those are some big questions, sweetheart. I don't know. I think people can express things really differently, but sometimes even if someone hasn't stopped loving you, maybe you need them to love you in a way you can hear a little better. And it's fair to ask for that. But sometimes...sometimes people don't love you the way you want. And you can't make them. I got my heart broken a few times by people who didn't love me back. And that's...that can happen to anybody. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. Who's got you worried about that?"
He lowers the volume on the show, letting it gradually fade out as he answers.
"Those are some big questions, sweetheart. I don't know. I think people can express things really differently, but sometimes even if someone hasn't stopped loving you, maybe you need them to love you in a way you can hear a little better. And it's fair to ask for that. But sometimes...sometimes people don't love you the way you want. And you can't make them. I got my heart broken a few times by people who didn't love me back. And that's...that can happen to anybody. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. Who's got you worried about that?"
[ Two bottles of wine have been left at Jedao's cabin, as well as a somewhat decent attempt at an origami heart that has been folded and refolded a few times in frustration. A letter accompanies this, written on Waystar Royco letterhead with a doodle of a cock and balls in the corner. ]
#1 Friemd,
You're still terrifying, but I'm proud to call you a friend. Thank you for the talks, the advice, and the hugs.
Keep an eye on Eiffel and keep an eye on yourself. Be a little selfish once in a while.
-Roman
(PS this heart took me forever you'd better appreciate it because doing it fucking sucked)
#1 Friemd,
You're still terrifying, but I'm proud to call you a friend. Thank you for the talks, the advice, and the hugs.
Keep an eye on Eiffel and keep an eye on yourself. Be a little selfish once in a while.
-Roman
(PS this heart took me forever you'd better appreciate it because doing it fucking sucked)
[The heart is terrifying. He's going to treasure it. He puts it on his desk as a warning to others.]
[Hakkai gets back from the dinner shift a little late, banging his way into the kitchen and proceeding to make what sounds -- from the force with which he's closing cupboards -- like the world's angriest pot of tea.]
[Jedao drifts into the kitchen, floating over toward the side with Hakkai's good eye. Normally Jedao moves reflexively toward the blind side, to cover it, but here they're safe; here he's just...offering himself to be seen, to be present.
sure who do I get to annoy
no for real though I totally will what's the deal
no for real though I totally will what's the deal
I've been informed that you've volunteered to take on the mediation between me and Shaw. Did she give you any... information?
[The word 'information' sounds dubious and that's because he hesitated for a second to use it for what he suspects might be A Take and not Data.]
[The word 'information' sounds dubious and that's because he hesitated for a second to use it for what he suspects might be A Take and not Data.]
I have. I asked her to talk about what parts of what Kiryu was doing really worked for her, and I'd like to ask you the same question.
She also wanted me to review some conversations the two of you had had recently, to tell her where she'd gone wrong. Since they were originally private conversations, I said I wouldn't look at them without your consent, and she accepted that.
She also wanted me to review some conversations the two of you had had recently, to tell her where she'd gone wrong. Since they were originally private conversations, I said I wouldn't look at them without your consent, and she accepted that.
Guess who has his blobby back? Guess who is wearing it literally every minute until he figures out how to keep it safe this time??? It's this nerd, who lets himself into Jedao's cabin via the permissions and pokes his small once-again-feline-shaped nose into the rooms looking for the cabin's occupants.
"Je.... Um." Experiment time, uh oh, oh god. He was okay with it before though so. So!! "Uh... d.... Dad?"
"Je.... Um." Experiment time, uh oh, oh god. He was okay with it before though so. So!! "Uh... d.... Dad?"
Jedao ducks his head in from the kitchen with a big, stupid-giddy grin.
"Hi, Sunshine."
"Hi, Sunshine."
...do you have a few minutes to spare?
For you? Absolutely.
Shall I come to you?
Shall I come to you?
Oh!
Yes, of course. Is everything okay?
Yes, of course. Is everything okay?
He talks to Hunter first. Hunter helps him practice walking, walking the way a real person walks, not that Hunter put it to him like that--Hunter very much did not. It's the way Edwin keeps putting it to himself, without thinking about it.
But he wants to be able to walk right when he sees Jedao. He has to correct his balance a couple of times against a wall or a railing on the way to Jedao's cabin. There are a couple of moments where he considers abandoning the blobby and just going in the crown, but he wants to be able to hug his father. He wants to have a body. Like a real person.
So there is an extra from Cats Don't Dance coming into Jedao's cabin and craning around to listen for him as soon as the door is closed.
But he wants to be able to walk right when he sees Jedao. He has to correct his balance a couple of times against a wall or a railing on the way to Jedao's cabin. There are a couple of moments where he considers abandoning the blobby and just going in the crown, but he wants to be able to hug his father. He wants to have a body. Like a real person.
So there is an extra from Cats Don't Dance coming into Jedao's cabin and craning around to listen for him as soon as the door is closed.
"I'm in the study!" Jedao calls; he's been at his desk, feverishly recording as many of the memories as he can. It'll keep them sharper, later. But he's only repeating himself now, so he powers down his slate, standing up from the desk to stretch.
[He's not much of a preamble guy, so he just gets right to it.]
I had a weirdly good conversation with Shaw the other day, after the breach. But I still think we should do mediation. Can we schedule it?
I had a weirdly good conversation with Shaw the other day, after the breach. But I still think we should do mediation. Can we schedule it?
[And we'll hand-wave them scheduling a day which turned out to be CRISIS TIMES? which then gets delayed]
Of course. Can you talk to me a little about what went well, and what you're hoping for from the next touchpoint?
Of course. Can you talk to me a little about what went well, and what you're hoping for from the next touchpoint?
Re: SORRY this got buried in moving and then events orz
abrightboy
- 2024-04-25 21:36 (UTC) - ExpandRe: SORRY this got buried in moving and then events orz
deuceoftears
- 2024-04-25 23:47 (UTC) - ExpandRe: SORRY this got buried in moving and then events orz
abrightboy
- 2024-04-26 00:05 (UTC) - ExpandRe: SORRY this got buried in moving and then events orz
deuceoftears
- 2024-04-26 00:17 (UTC) - ExpandRe: SORRY this got buried in moving and then events orz
abrightboy
- 2024-04-26 00:50 (UTC) - Expand
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